


Love is Love

by GothicBarbie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Anger, Angst, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Chaptered, Cheating, Friendship, Frustration, Hand Jobs, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Pining, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 09:35:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/608368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothicBarbie/pseuds/GothicBarbie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam’s head is spinning. A feeling he’s unfamiliar with. He’s pinned against a wall, his lips pressed to someone else’s. Another unfamiliar feeling. Liam Payne does not get drunk and make out with strangers in bars. At least, he didn’t. Until tonight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is the longest fic I've ever written... 25k... so I apologize in advance if there are mistakes!

 

Liam’s head is spinning. A feeling he’s unfamiliar with. He’s pinned against a wall, his lips pressed to someone else’s. Another unfamiliar feeling. Liam Payne does not get drunk and make out with strangers in bars. At least, he _didn’t_. Until tonight.

Liam regrets agreeing to go out with Louis.

“But you have two working kidneys! No more excuses” he had said. And Liam was getting tired of resisting. Maybe if he finally gave in, this one time, Louis would get off his back.

But agreeing to go out with Louis was not the smartest thing Liam agreed to do.

Neither was kissing another guy.

It didn’t last long. Eventually Liam realized what was happening and pulled away slowly, muttering a very quiet “sorry” before running out of the bar and into a taxi. Liam can’t quiet remember how the events of the night turned into this, but he has to get home. Maybe sleep will erase this night from happening.

\--

It doesn’t.

The night doesn’t go away and neither does the headache.

“Drink this.” Louis says, a little too loudly, and plops next to Liam on the couch in their living room.

“What is it?” Liam asks slowly, trying to focus his eyes and ignore the disgusting smell that’s creeping into his nose from the glass.

“Trust me, its better if you don’t know…. but it’ll help.”

Liam takes a breath and then holds the glass up to his lips. It’s pungent and chunky and… _gross_ , but he downs it quickly.

Liam knows he shouldn’t be trusting Louis with anything, but the alternative (aka doing nothing) seems a lot worse right now.

Liam leans back slowly against the couch, memories of the night before rushing back to him.

“So… Payne… you wanna fill me in on exactly what happened to you last night?” Louis asks with a smirk.

Liam isn’t sure how much of the night’s events Louis witnessed, and he sure as hell is not going to offer any of that information up.

“I barely remember a thing.” Liam lies.

“Oh really?” Louis chuckles lightly, “cuz I briefly remember you kissing a curly haired bloke by the bar.”

Liam grunts loudly and puts his head in his hands. If Louis had witnessed that, who else had?

“It’s okay, Li…” Louis responds, standing and patting Liam softly on the shoulder, “it’s happened to all of us at one point or another.”

“Yeah, by choice!” Liam gets out. He’d never kissed a guy before last night and he didn’t plan on repeating the experience. (He couldn’t exactly say the same for Louis.) “And anyway, from what I remember about it, he kissed me.”

“Maybe so!” Louis taunts as he walks away. “But you didn’t pull away immediately!”

Liam grunts one more time and lays back down on the couch. Sleep may not erase what happened, but at least it’ll distract Liam from thinking about it just a little longer.

\--

Sleep doesn’t help. Nothing does, really. Liam can’t even go a full minute without thinking about the kiss. He doesn’t know why it bothers him so much, he has no problem with guys kissing guys… His best friend Louis is gay after all. But he does have a problem with guys kissing _him_. Not that there is anything wrong with it, really, it’s just… Liam isn’t gay. And he’s not the most reckless person in the world either.

 _I’ll get over it._ He thinks to himself as he enters the coffee shop early the next morning. As long as Lou can keep his mouth shut (something his charismatic friend is no good at) then it’ll be fine.

“Harry!” The barista yells out and a guy Liam’s height brushes past him to reach for his drink. When he turns around, his bright green eyes make contact with Liam’s and Liam feels his stomach drop.

Liam would recognize that curly hair anywhere.

“Liam?” Harry asks as he steps closer to Liam, joining him in the line of people and trying his best to get out of others’ way.

Liam wonders how he knows his name, but he figures he must have told him the previous night. “Ummm.” Liam stutters, sounding like an idiot. What is he supposed to do, lie and say _nope, not him!_ Liam knows that would be ridiculous, the guy clearly recognizes him.

“Hi.” Liam finishes slowly. He knows it’s stupid, but what exactly is he expected to say?

“How are you?” Harry asks, smiling slightly and Liam can’t help but glance at his perfect teeth. Actually, pretty much everything about this guy screams perfect. Not that he’s noticing or anything.

Before Harry can continue Liam finds himself at the front of the line and he gives his order to the waitress. Harry steps to the side and Liam goes to follow, not having anywhere else to turn for the time being. There’s a definite awkwardness between the two as Harry waits for Liam’s response.

“I’m okay. Better than last night, I guess.”

Harry laughs lightly at this and Liam wonders what he’s thinking. The guy seems unreadable.

“Well I had fun.” Harry says cheekily and stares into Liam’s eyes.

Oh no. Liam had not been expecting this. He thought he could forget about what happened, but here the guy is, talking to him in a coffee shop (one that he always goes to, thank you very much) and flirting with him. This can’t be happening.

“Listen… Harry…..” Liam begins, feeling guilty for what he’s about to do, but it has to be done… “I’m not…” Liam struggles to find the words. He’s in a crowded coffee shop with tons of people around, his conversation with Harry isn’t exactly private. He doesn’t want to go shouting out sentences like _I’M NOT GAY_ or _I DIDN’T MEAN TO KISS YOU LAST NIGHT!_ Instead, he lets himself trail off, looking at Harry with an _I’m sorry_ expression and hopes he’ll take the hint.

Fortunately for Liam he does and the guy smiles sheepishly back at Liam. Harry feels a ping of guilt run through his chest as the guy looks down at the floor, clearly hurt. Liam tries to wipe the thought the away. The guy can’t be too upset, right? I mean, they don’t even know each other. Somehow, this fact makes Liam feel a little bit better.

“I think you’re drinks up.” Harry says softly and smiles at Liam briefly before turning to walk away.

Liam goes to grab his drink, realizing he didn’t even hear his name called. Then he turns to stare as the curly haired guy walks out the door, and Liam once again feels like crap. He didn’t want to hurt his feelings but he had to be honest.

And he honestly hoped he wouldn’t have to see him again.

\--

Harry, on the other hand, was hoping for the complete opposite.

Harry liked to think of himself as a fairly modest person. If anyone complimented him he brushed it off, or smiled, never really agreed with them. But he knows what people usually think of him. He knows that he’s good-looking. Which is why he doesn’t usually have trouble picking up guys. Or girls. He was rarely turned down. In fact, Harry could barely remember the last time someone said no to him. Which is why the whole Liam thing was driving him absolutely crazy.

“I’m not…” … not what? Not interested? Because the guy had barely given Harry a chance to even speak. How could he possibly know he wasn’t interested unless it was because of how he looked? Harry couldn’t help but feel a little hurt over the entire thing. Sure, he didn’t know the guy, but he was so… cute. There was an innocence about him that Harry wanted to corrupt. And he was a good kisser. Really good. Harry had been barely able to concentrate on anything but that since the previous night.

Being brushed off in the coffee shop wasn’t one of Harry’s finest moments. And if he had anything to say about it, that would be fixed… somehow. Harry wasn’t exactly sure how yet, but he had an idea. He’d become unavoidable.

\--

As it turns out, being unavoidable was a lot easier than Harry had expected it to be. His only real plan had been to visit Ringo’s (the gay bar he’d met Liam at that first night), every night that he could. He knows it was obsessive, but he wanted to run into the guy again, have some words with him. Figure out exactly why he wasn’t Liam’s type. Which is why he was shocked to learn his “plan” had worked so quickly.

After arriving at the bar a little past 11 he had already spotted Liam. He was sitting at the bar alone, and seemed to be drinking what looked like… water? Interesting choice. Harry found his gaze moving from Liam’s strong hands that were tapping on the bar, to his toned arms and then finally to Liam’s back, which looked really defined in the plain white shirt he was wearing. _Fuck_ , he was hot. Harry had selfishly hoped seeing Liam again would snap him out of it. Make him realize that he wasn’t that good looking, but the opposite seemed to be happening. Each time he spotted Liam the bloke got more and more attractive to him. But maybe it was part of the chase?

Harry found himself nervous (something that doesn’t happen often) as he made his way over to Liam slowly and took a seat next to him at the bar.

Liam seemed a bit taken aback as Harry sat. What was behind that expression on his face? Nervousness? Annoyance? Harry couldn’t figure it out and it killed him.

“You know, for someone who’s not interested… it kinda feels like you’re stalking me.” Harry joked. He internally hoped that Liam was one to appreciate sarcasm.

Liam looked at him, confused for a second and then laughed briefly when he’d realized Harry was kidding.

“To be fair, it’s not that I wasn’t interested in you, per say… just not… guys, in general.” Liam gets out, a little too quickly if you were to ask Harry.

“Oh.” Harry says, surprised. He wasn’t expecting to hear that.

“You do know you’re in a gay bar right?” Harry asks, once again in sarcasm, but there’s a tone of seriousness to the question. Harry doesn’t know a lot of strait guys that would spend their time here.

Liam laughs again and Harry thinks he could get used to that sound. “Yeah, I was dragged here by my friend, Louis.”

Harry looks around to spot an attractive, slightly older lad in bright red pants dancing and laughing with a group a few feet away.

“Let me guess… bright red pants? I think I remember him from Friday. I’m pretty sure he flirted with me that night.”

“Wouldn’t doubt that.” Liam mumbles softly while reaching for his glass of water and taking a sip, trying to hide the hint of annoyance in his voice. Not that he should even care; Louis flirted with everyone.

“What’s with the water?” Harry asks out of curiosity. Nothing about Liam really screamed RECKLESS or anything but they were in a bar after all. And as much fun (or lack of) that Liam seemed to be having, Harry figured he’d might want a drink at least.

“Well, I don’t drink.” Liam says bluntly.

Was there anything about this kid that wouldn’t come as a shock to Harry? And why was he acting so cold with him? The first night at the bar he had seemed different. Harry couldn’t tell if this was just how Liam was sober, or if he was really uncomfortable in Harry’s presence. Probably a mix of both.

“Well, then how come when you had your tongue in my mouth I could definitely taste alcohol?”

If Harry wasn’t making him uncomfortable before, he surely was now, as he could see Liam squirm in his seat a little at Harry’s words.

Harry was a flirt, he said a lot of suggestive things to a lot of people, and seeing Liam blush was too much fun to pass up. If he couldn’t have Liam, may as well tease him a bit. 

Liam clears his throat before speaking. “That was a mistake.”

Liam says it so softly and politely that it’s almost hard to be upset.

“Ouch” Harry laughs it off. But it stings.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that!” Liam rushes out, realizing he may have hurt Harry’s feelings. “It was my first time drinking in a while… long story, and my friends wanted to celebrate and I just did a lot of stupid things that night, I’m sorry.”

Harry laughs again despite the diss. So Liam clearly regretted getting drunk and kissing him. But it was almost okay. With the way that Liam was looking at him so genuinely and apologetic. _Fuck!_ Harry mentally thought to himself for the second time that night. _Why did all the perfect ones have to be unavailable?_

“I just don’t usually do that.” Liam continues, attempting to explain himself a bit better. “I never just make out with strangers in bars. Not even girls.”

 _Wow_ , Harry thinks to himself. The guy doesn’t drink. He doesn’t make out with random girls. He’s clearly flustered at any little sexual comment. This guy is like a unicorn or something. It equally frustrates and intimidates Harry.

“How are you friends with Louis then? I mean, I don’t know him at all obviously, but you guys seem very, very different.”

“We are.” Liam chuckles. “But we grew up together, so I’m kinda stuck with him.”

Harry nods. He knows what that’s like. “Yeah, that’s kinda how it is with me and Niall.”

“Niall?” Liam asks, confused.

“Yeah, see the crazy blonde over there?” Harry swivels in his seat and points at a shorter guy with bright blonde hair and crazy blue eyes. Liam can see them glowing from here. “We’ve been friends for ages.”

“Who’s the other guy with him?” Harry follows Liam’s gaze to a darker skinned guy with dark hair and dark eyes.

“That’s Zayn. Niall just met him the other night. I barely know him, but he sure is pretty isn’t he?”

Harry wants to smack himself for the comment. He keeps forgetting (or more like wants to forget) that Liam is strait. But he lets the comment slide and Liam just hums in response.

“Are they….” Liam begins but Harry cuts him off.

“No! Niall is strait, too.” Harry can see the confusion across Liam’s face so he continues, “I kinda dragged him here. Somehow he manages to have fun anyway.”

Liam nods slightly, wishing he could do the same. Then he turns back to his drink.

It’s silent for a while between the two, but it’s a good silence, there’s a certain comfort between them that Harry hopes is mutual. So there’s no chance of Harry getting Liam sexually, but maybe the two could be friends?

“I have an idea…” Harry says and Liam looks up at him out of curiosity.

“What if we went down the bar down the street…” Liam looked hesitant, “don’t worry it’s a strait bar. We can find some girls to flirt with.”

Once again Liam looks confused.

“You want to flirt with girls?”

“Sure.”  Harry smiles that cheeky smile of his. “Girls are fit sometimes.”

Harry isn’t sure what’s gotten into him, but he feels like being a bit mischievous, hell he’s got nothing to lose, and he grabs Liam’s glass from the table and takes a sip.

Liam looks slightly surprised but he doesn’t object. “So you’re bi?”

Harry looks back up at Liam, involuntarily squints, debating the question. “Not exactly. I don’t know. I don’t like to label myself, really.” Liam seems genuinely intrigued by his response. “Love is love, right?”

Harry doesn’t wait for Liam to respond before standing from the bar and pulling some cash out of his pocket and placing it on the bar. Liam’s water probably didn’t cost anything, but Harry figures it’s the nice thing to do and he thinks he can hear Liam mutter a soft “thanks.”

“So, you coming or what?” Harry smiles at Liam and Liam hesitates briefly, unmoving.

Harry sneaks another glance at Louis, who seems drunk out his mind and clearly in his own world. “Louis is cute and all, but he seems a bit pre-occupied. And you’re clearly not having any fun here.”

Liam sighs briefly, but stands, turning to follow Harry as they leave.

“Don’t worry,” Harry says over his shoulder as they walk out the door, “I won’t try to kiss you again.”

Yeah, he could definitely get used to seeing Liam blush.

\--

All the way down the street Liam resisted the urge to turn back. He didn’t know exactly why he’d agreed to come with Harry, after all, this morning he had made it his sole mission to avoid him, but after talking with Harry at the bar, somehow his intentions changed. He’d never met anyone like Harry. Harry had so much charm and charisma and could probably get anyone to do anything he asked. (Maybe that’s how he ended up kissing him that first night… not that Liam could even remember.) Regardless, he seemed like a pretty nice guy, that was willing to put the kiss behind them (with the exception of a few sarcastic comments - Liam was trying to get used to those) and Liam could always use more friends, so he’d entertained the idea.

The truth was, bars weren’t really his scene, and he certainly didn’t want to “pick up girls” or whatever Harry had said, but for once Liam tried to just let go and have fun. Okay, so the last time he’d done that, things didn’t turn out so well for him, but Louis wasn’t around this time to encourage him, and he definitely wouldn’t be getting drunk, so he should be safe.

Liam followed close behind as Harry strolled into the bar. The guy exuded confidence, and Liam wished he had that quality. It was really crowded and overwhelmingly hot and a pang of nervousness flashed through Liam. As big of a pain in the ass that Louis could be at times, Liam never went out without him, and he found himself feeling a bit naked here with just Harry.

“How about those girls over there?” Harry turned to Liam and nodded behind himself subtly. Liam glanced over Harry’s shoulder to a group of four young women that were all incredibly beautiful. Never in a million years would Liam dream of ever just walking up to them and talking, but for Harry it was probably something he did all the time.

“They’re cute.” Liam responded respectfully and Harry chuckled.

“You’re an interesting guy, Liam.” Harry smiled sweetly and Liam wondered what he meant by that. Interesting as in boring? Probably.

“Which one do you fancy?” Harry asked, staring right into Liam’s eyes and Liam shrugged.

“I dunno. The one with the dark hair is pretty.”

“Ah, the one with the curls?” Harry smiled as he tousled his own curly locks, “so you have a type then?”

Liam tried his hardest not to blush again. What was wrong with him? Louis was a very flirtatious guy and his cheeky comments never did anything to rustle Liam. Why was it whenever Harry said something similar Liam got so embarrassed? Liam told himself it was because he’d known Louis for so long. Not to mention he’d never kissed Louis. Liam just hoped Harry had the right intentions and wasn’t expecting anything from him.

“I’m just messing with you, don’t look so flustered.” Harry laughed again and slapped Liam lightly on the back.

 _See?_ Liam told himself. _He’s just teasing._

Harry began to make his way over to the girls but Liam yelled out he had to use the restroom and Harry went off without him.

“I’ll be over here, yeah?” He had nodded towards the group of women and walked off.

Liam had to compose himself. He shouldn’t be feeling stressed but he was at a very crowded bar, with someone he just met, and he would probably be the only sober one. The longer he stayed the longer Liam felt like it was a bad idea, but he told himself to suck it up and get back out there.

As he exited the bathroom, he caught sight of Harry a few feet away and he was… kissing the curly haired brunette?

Liam felt his stomach tighten and his skin was flushed. Did Liam really feel… jealous?

There was no way. He didn’t even know the girl (although he was slightly offended that Harry would kiss her after he had kinda called “dibs”) so there was no reason for him to really be upset. Liam couldn’t help but wonder if Harry had done it intentionally. But from what Liam knew about him, he didn’t seem like a spiteful kind of guy, so he doubted that Harry had done it purposely. Liam had turned him down though, maybe this was Harry’s way of getting back at him?

 _You’re being stupid_. Liam told himself.

The truth is, it didn’t matter either way. He wasn’t interested in the girl, and he _certainly_ wasn’t interested in Harry. So it didn’t matter that they were kissing. He was _not_ jealous.

Liam mentally convinced himself that the ache in his gut was due to his anxiousness and he knew he had to get out of there. He felt guilty ditching Harry at the bar like this, but the guy would be fine. He was surrounded by people and didn’t even seem to notice that Liam was missing.

Still, guilt welled inside of Liam as he walked home. What would Harry say to him the next time he saw him? Then again, maybe he wouldn’t have to see Harry again after this. Maybe he didn’t need any more friends.

Liam reminded himself not to visit his favorite coffee or Ringo’s anytime soon.

\--

The next morning Liam was awoken by his phone vibrating briefly, which signified that someone had just sent him a text. He clicked the envelope icon on his phone and quickly scanned the message:

_> >Is this Liam?_

The number was unknown, but if Liam wasn’t half asleep he probably would have been able to figure out who had sent it. Without thinking, Liam replied:

_> ya who is this?_

Liam wanted to slap himself when a second later a new message came in.

_> >Harry._

_Fuck!_ Liam thought to himself as he stared at the screen. Why did he text back? Liam racked his brain for something to say when another message came in.

_> >After you ditched me last night - again -  I went back to Ringo’s and found Louis. He gave me your number and told me to bitch you out._

_Fucking Louis._ Liam was about to get up and go smack him upside the head at that very moment.

_> sorry but ulooked pretty ocupied when I left_

Liam wasn’t sure exactly what had come over him, but his snarky side seemed to want to come out when he was speaking to Harry. He knew he was using Harry kissing the brunette as an excuse, so that he didn’t have to feel guilty about having ditched him in the first place, but it was the only thing he had.

_> >She kissed me. But, touché. _

Liam laughed to himself. At least the guy had the decency to admit when he made a mistake. Sure, it wasn’t quite an apology but it would do. And somehow knowing the girl had kissed him (though Liam wasn’t sure how much truth there was behind that) eased things a little.

_> u kissed my girl I ditched u at the bar does that make us even??_

Liam cringed as he typed “my girl.” He knew he was being kind of stupid, but he could forgive Harry if Harry could forgive him. A few minutes went by with no response and Liam found himself getting anxious. He was just about to give up and attempt to go back to sleep when Harry finally responded.

_> >Sure. Friends?_

Liam found himself smiling and instantly tried to erase that emotion from his face. He wasn’t sure when he started caring about what Harry thought of him, but wanting to be friends sounded like an okay idea. From what he knew of the guy he seemed fairly cool. And he clearly hit it off with Louis. Maybe a friendship wasn’t completely out of the question.

_> friends._

- _-_

After that day Liam and Harry had continued to text. Liam found that Harry was actually really easy to talk to and the two discussed a lot of different things. Their jobs, their schooling, family, and occasionally even girls, though Liam didn’t have much to contribute in that department. Liam wondered a little why Harry never spoke to him about other guys, you know, ‘love is love’ and all, whatever that meant, but Liam thought maybe Harry was trying to be sensitive. It’s not like Liam wanted to talk about guys anyways. He wasn’t sure he was ready to hear about that. Louis telling him about his love life was one thing, but Harry was different.

The odd thing was that Liam found himself visiting Ringo’s and the coffee shop again, yet he never saw Harry around. After a week went by a small part of him wondered if Harry was avoiding him, but what reason would he have for that considering they were supposed to be “friends”? He figured it was probably just a case of bad timing. Then Liam started to worry that maybe he was thinking TOO MUCH about it. They never even hung out, just texted, yet Liam kind of found himself depending on their friendship and their talks. Liam refused to think about the fact that Harry was seemingly always on his mind.

\--

They were supposed to be friends. At least, that’s what Liam had agreed to. If Harry had anything to say about it, they would be much more than that. But he would take what he could get.

After Liam had ditched him at the bar Harry was extremely disappointed. He wasn’t sure what he done to scare him away this time (after all, he’d kept his hands and lips to himself) but he tried not to let it get to him. Luckily, when he returned to Ringo’s Louis was still there and the two chatted for a while. If Harry wasn’t completely fascinated by Liam he might have just gone after Louis. The guy was good looking and clearly a lot of fun. But Harry was kind of sick of “fun.” Maybe someone like Liam was what he needed. If only he could get Liam to cave.

Luckily it didn’t take much for him and Liam to start talking. If anything, Harry should have been the one to be pissed at Liam but he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad. And Liam had kept up his end of the bargain.  They were friends… sort of. At least Liam wasn’t ignoring his texts. Though, it seemed like he was possibly ignoring Harry in person. Harry never saw him out anymore.

Harry kind of liked the challenge though. And okay, maybe Liam was a lost cause, the guy claimed he was strait, but Harry wasn’t sure. There was a certain look in Liam’s eyes when they were around each other. And even when they texted he swore he got a flirty comment or two thrown his way. There had to be something more there. Maybe it was just buried really deep.

Harry didn’t know why he cared so much, or what exactly about Liam that made him so crazy. The guy was way too polite and way too strait laced (no pun intended) but he couldn’t help be attracted to him. He was mature, yet innocent and Harry found himself badly wanting to corrupt that.

After weeks of texting Harry decided something needed to be done. It’d been way too long since he’d seen Liam and he knew Liam wasn’t about to initiate anything to change that. Harry would have to do it.

_> > So, I’ve been thinking. We’re supposed to be friends right?_

Harry eagerly waited for a response from Liam, wondering if his plan would even work.

_> i thoght we were friends_

Harry chuckled slightly, laughing at Liam’s lack of punctuation and horrible spelling. So maybe the guy wasn’t actually good at everything. And of course Liam wouldn’t make this easy.

_> > Shouldn’t friends hang out?_

It took a bit longer for Liam to respond.

_> i guess so_

Harry wanted to sigh in frustration. It was so hard to figure out what someone was thinking over

a text message. Harry couldn’t help feel that maybe Liam was feeling hesitant about the whole

thing.

>> _Just as friends, I swear. We could invite Louis and Niall too._

Surely Liam couldn’t say no to a group hang. There was no pressure there.

_> Okay! _

Harry smiled to himself, but wondered what the explanation mark could mean before he realized that he was probably thinking too much into this. Liam had agreed. Everything else could be figured out later.

\--

 _Why am I so nervous?_ Harry thought to himself as he got ready to leave. _It’s just Liam._

After their conversation last week they’d planned to hang out the following weekend. They would drink (well, everyone except Liam) and play video games and just talk. It was all very casual, but Harry was internally freaking out. It’d been too long since he’d last seen Liam and he could already feel butterflies forming in his gut. Harry wanted to slap himself out of it, since when did _he_ get butterflies? It was all so ridiculous but Harry had to hold onto some sort of hope. Being strictly friends with Liam just wasn’t an option for Harry. When he wanted something, he got it. Simple as that.

Once they’d arrived at Liam’s Harry felt a little bit more at ease. Louis made things really easy. He was very loud and talkative and struck up a conversation with Harry the second he got in the door. Harry had barely had a chance to say hello to Liam, but the two had managed to make brief eye contact before he was whisked away into the living room. _God, Liam looked so good tonight._ Harry thought to himself. Though, when did he ever look bad? Harry thought that probably wasn’t even possible and he tried his hardest to concentrate on what Louis was saying to him. He could hear Niall introduce himself to Liam behind them.

“We brought another friend as well…” Niall explained as a fifth person walked in behind the blonde, “Louis, I think you may have met him at the bar a few weeks ago?”

“Ahh, of course!” Louis belted and went to slap the dark haired guy on the back. “Zayn, right?”

Zayn nodded briefly and said his hello’s to Liam and the five made their way into the living room.

After that things went pretty smoothly. Drinks were handed out and there was music playing. Even though Harry had originally planned this group hang to spend more time alone with Liam, he found himself enjoying the other boys’ company as well. The five of them seemed to click fairly well and Harry was surprised at how good of a time he was having.

Every time Harry tried to speak to Liam or be alone with him he felt a bit of distance between them. Liam was being perfectly nice, but Harry could tell that he felt nervous. Or maybe he was just uncomfortable. After a while Harry gave up and decided to spend more time getting to know Louis. The guy was a blast and he wanted to make the most of his time there.

Of course, drinks didn’t help. Louis and Harry were probably equal when it came to flirtation and the alcohol seemed to bring out the cheekiness in both of them further. Harry found himself near Louis most of the night, laughing and chatting with him about the most random things.

When Harry would steal the occasional glance in Liam’s direction he swore he could see anger seething from him, even though Liam would be too polite to ever admit it. It shouldn’t have, but it gave Harry immense pleasure, knowing that he was most likely the cause for Liam’s sudden shift in emotion. Maybe Harry was looking too much into things, but if there was any chance he could evoke some sort of jealousy in Liam by flirting with his best friend, of course he was going do it. Maybe it was childish and immature but he didn’t care. Harry had done this a lot. He knew what kind of games worked and what didn’t. And this one usually did.

The flirtation may have gone a bit far when Harry found himself cuddling with Louis on the couch later in the night. In Harry’s eyes it was completely harmless, but to anyone else it may have looked a bit questionable. Around midnight Liam came through the door and the second he caught Harry and Louis on the couch together he had turned around and left. Harry wished he could read the expression on Liam’s face. Hurt? Jealousy? He wasn’t sure, but a few minutes later Liam came in and said he was tired and was gonna head to bed. He said goodnight to Zayn and Niall, but didn’t mutter a word to Harry or Louis and then stormed out of the room. No one else really seemed to notice, but Harry knew something wasn’t completely right. A little bit of jealously was one thing, but he didn’t want to completely jeopardize his friendship with Liam over something so insignificant.

Harry waited a few minutes and then excused himself to go to the bathroom. However, he found his feet taking him to Liam’s room. It was easy to find considering it was the only one with light coming out from beneath.

Harry hesitated a second before knocking twice, softly, so that the others couldn’t hear.

With a rush Liam’s door was opening and Liam stood alone in the doorway, standing only in his boxer briefs.

Harry tried hard to keep his gaze focused on Liam’s face, but it was absolutely impossible. Not with Liam standing half naked in front him looking absolutely fucking gorgeous. Harry’s thoughts immediately went to a filthy place. He just wanted to run his hands all over the older boy, slam him into the wall and kiss him so hard the boy would be begging him to fuck him into the mattress. Of course, Harry stopped himself from acting and tried to focus on the issue at hand.

“Can we talk for a second?”

Liam doesn’t respond immediately and instead turns around, walking away from Harry. Harry freezes for a second before he hears Liam respond.

“Just shut the door behind you.”

Harry comes inside and does what he’s told as Liam walks further and takes a seat on the bed. _The fucking bed_ that Harry desperately tries not to think about.

\----

Harry sits and Liam can feel how close he is. Suddenly Liam feels uncomfortable. He hadn’t expected Harry to come to his room, otherwise he may have waited a bit longer to change. And of course Harry had to knock on the door right as he was about to get into bed.

“What’s up?” Liam asks coldly, not daring to even look in Harry’s direction.

Liam wasn’t exactly sure why he was so damn upset but he was not in the mood to talk to Harry right now. He couldn’t get the image of Harry and his best friend canoodling on the couch out of his head and it was driving him insane.

“Are you mad at me or something?” Harry asked quietly. Using his peripheral vision Liam could see Harry turn his head in his direction.

Liam sighs. How is he supposed to respond to that? He could lie and say no, but Harry would see right through him. But telling the truth probably wouldn’t make sense to Harry. Harry would just assume he was jealous, which he couldn’t be. That was impossible.

“I just don’t think you should date Louis.” Liam blurts out, not even realizing what he’s saying. He stands from the bed and turns to face Harry who has a very confused look in his face.

“What?”

 _Shit._ Liam racks his brain on how to turn this around.

“He does this all the time, Harry. He flirts with guys and then uses them, and when he can’t give them what they want they run.”

Liam felt a bit guilty pulling this excuse out. Not to say that it wasn’t true, Louis was a bit of a heartbreaker and he certainly didn’t want Harry to get hurt.

For a second Liam thinks he can see Harry’s face change. To what? Who knows… maybe disappointment? But then, as quick as it came, Harry’s face changes again. He chuckles lightly. “Liam, I’m not into Louis. We were just… messing around a bit, yeah? That’s it.”

Harry stands to look Liam in the eye and Liam can see that he’s telling the truth.

“And anyway, I can take care of myself you know.”

Liam doesn’t doubt that.

“Okay… “ Liam begins, feeling stupid. If only he could have kept his ridiculous (and unexpected) emotions in check he wouldn’t have stormed out and they wouldn’t be here right now. “Well, I just wanted to make sure, cuz I don’t want to lose you as a friend ya know?”

Liam hopes the word “friend” is loud and clear.

“Oh, how sweet.” Harry says sarcastically, smiling to himself and stepping a little closer to Liam.

Liam can feel his heart rate speed as Harry is now only a few feet in front of him. _God, what is wrong with me?_

Harry hesitates a little before speaking, “I’m kinda into someone else, anyway.”

Before he can fully get the words out Liam can see him fidgeting with his hands a little. Is he nervous? _Shit._ Liam thinks. _He means me._

“Harry… I’m not…” Liam begins, but before he can finish he’s being cut off.

“Not you!” Harry announces “Zayn.”

 _Zayn?_ Liam ignores the brief disappointment he feels when he realizes that Harry wasn’t speaking about him after all.

“But you’ve barely spoken to Zayn the entire night.”

“Well, yeah… cuz I get a bit nervous around him.” Harry finishes, sighing and then shifting his focus back to the ground, as if he’s embarrassed.

Liam should be responding in some way, but he’s too busy wondering why he still cares so much. At least when Liam thought Harry had fancied Louis he was able to tell himself his jealousy came from the fact that he didn’t want to share his new friend with his old best friend. But when Harry announced it was actually Zayn he’d had a crush on, (someone that Liam barely knew) it didn’t really change things. Liam still felt weirdly possessive of Harry.

Maybe he wasn’t jealous; maybe he had just liked the attention. Knowing someone likes you, even if you don’t like them back (and Liam certainly didn’t like Harry back) is still a nice feeling. Maybe that’s what this was about. Maybe Liam was just annoyed now that Harry wasn’t giving Liam all of his attention anymore.

“Just, don’t say anything to him please.” Harry interrupts Liam’s thoughts and Liam finds himself nodding curtly.

“Well, you’d probably get back, then. They’re probably wondering where you went off to.” Liam says, walking past Harry and getting into his bed slowly, hoping that Harry will take the hint to leave.

“Yeah… Goodnight.” Harry whispers softly before turning towards to the door. He sneaks one last glance back at Liam on his bed before exiting.

A minute later Liam can hear Harry again downstairs talking with the boys.

 _Is that Zayn he’s talking to now?_ Liam wonders.

Liam tosses onto his side and throws a pillow over his ear, muffling the sound. He refuses to listen to Harry flirt with other people. More importantly, he refuses to let himself think about what this could all mean.

\--

The next day, Harry found himself home alone on a Saturday night, once again obsessing over the events of the previous day. So Liam wasn’t jealous of him and Louis after all… he was just worried he would lose him as a _friend_? It was great that Liam was looking out for him, but it wasn’t exactly what Harry had wanted to hear. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected when he had trudged up to Liam’s room, but maybe his fantasies got the best of him.

And had he really told Liam he liked Zayn? Harry wondered if Liam had even believed him. Probably not. Zayn was gorgeous but Harry had completely used it as an excuse and Liam had probably seen right through him. But that didn't really matter, did it? Harry had bigger problems. Like, maybe not falling for guys that were strait!

Harry hated giving up. He never quit anything. Well, that’s not true, he did quit football in the 8th grade. And he’d quit band in the 5th. And maybe a few other things. But this was completely different. For a second there he’d genuinely believed that he maybe had a chance with Liam, yet all those hopes had come crashing down so quickly.

Harry groaned as he leaned back farther into the couch and scrolled down to the “L” on his phone contacts. He once again found himself staring at Liam’s name. He hadn’t spoken to him since the night before and desperately had wanted to text him, but he wasn’t sure what to say.

Even though he felt like Liam was a lost cause, that didn’t mean he wanted to totally give up on their friendship. He could still hang out with Liam. Sure, maybe it’d be hard, being just friends with him, but it had to be better than nothing at all. Harry plucked up the courage to send a text.

_> >What are you doing? Wanna hang out?_

Harry forced himself to hit send before he was able to erase the text or say something else. Maybe it was too early to ask. They had just hung out the previous night. But this would be different; it’d be just the two of them.  

A minute went by. Then two. Then five. And somehow that turned into twenty. Harry was about to give up and ring up Niall or something (he had to do something to distract himself from these feelings), when he finally received a text message back.

 _Please be from Liam._ Harry silently wished to himself before reaching for the phone. A funny feeling went through his chest when he realized it was actually him. Harry’s hands were a bit shaky as he hit “read” and scanned the response.

_> Sure… wanna come over?_

Harry’s heart was racing and he jumped quickly off the couch and dashed to his room to gather some stuff. Harry forced himself to slow down as he texted Liam back and the two discussed details. Louis was out for the night, so it’d just be them. Once again, Liam was hard to read through a text but Harry was just happy that he’d agreed. Not that he shouldn’t have. After all, in Harry’s own words, ‘friends hang out.’ But Harry couldn’t help but hope this could be another chance for him.

\--

As Liam hit reply, part of him wished he could take it back. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was agreeing to see Harry, not after what happened the night before, and with all these conflicting feelings swarming through his head, but Liam felt this weird pull to the guy. It’s as if Harry was a magnet or something, Liam felt himself constantly being drawn to him. He couldn’t explain it, he just wanted to see him.

Liam went to the fridge and pulled out one of Louis’s beers and took a swig. _So much for not drinking._ But Liam felt his nerves kicking in as he looked at the clock. Harry would be there any second now. Maybe the alcohol could ease the tension a little bit. He wasn’t sure why he was freaking out, it’s just Harry, and he was trying to be friends with him. He needed to do this, to make up for being such a royal idiot the night before. As he waited he remembered what had happened the last time he drank around Harry. _Well, shit._ He thought to himself as he took another drink. _This could either be the best thing for me, or the worst._

\--

Harry contemplated turning back as he stood on Liam’s doorstep. But that only lasted for a second before leaning forward and ringing the doorbell. He could do this. He could be friends with Liam.

The door opened and Harry was shocked to see Liam standing there with two beers in his hand.

“Hazza!” Liam said cheerfully, opening the door up wider and standing back to invite him in.

“I wasn’t aware we had nicknames for each other.” Harry said uneasily, noticing the difference in Liam’s voice. Clearly, he was a little tipsy.

“I thought of it the other day” Liam said with a smile “wanted to try it out.” Liam held the other beer out towards Harry and Harry took it immediately.

“And? How did it feel?”

“I like it.” Liam said, shutting the door and walking into the living room. Harry followed him without hesitation, feeling a bit more at ease. If Liam was drinking maybe he’d be a bit more fun than his usual serious self.

“So, you’re drinking now?” Harry laughed and took a seat on the couch, opposite from Liam.

“I figured you might want to?” Liam asked with a smile and Harry involuntarily bit his lip. Why did Liam have to look so cute?

“But,” Liam continued, “it’s probably not the best idea, huh?”

Harry could swear he heard Liam’s voice lower with that last sentence and Harry understood the implication of it. The last time Liam was drunk they’d ended up with their tongues in each others’ mouths, backs pressed against the wall in a bar.

“Don’t worry. I won’t kiss you again…” Harry continued without thinking, “unless you ask.”

As soon as he’d said it he wanted to take it back. He needed to remember to watch his flirtatious comments around Liam, he didn’t want to do anything to push him away.

Liam clears his throat and Harry thinks he can see his cheeks turn red. Man, the guy really couldn’t take being teased, could he? Suddenly Harry wondered what else he could do to him to make him blush.

\--

Around midnight, after a few more beers (and a few more flirtatious comments) Harry could tell that Liam was getting tired. His eyes were starting to close and he was leaning back farther on the couch. The night hadn’t exactly gone as Harry had planned (not that it ever does) but he didn’t mind. He actually enjoyed sitting and just talking for once. It wasn’t often Harry found himself actually caring about someone’s life and thoughts and feelings. But that didn’t surprise Harry either. Clearly Liam was full of firsts for him.

Harry had watched as Liam drank a little more, but he didn’t appear to be completely smashed, just tipsy and Harry was feeling a small buzz himself.

“I’m sorry I’m not more fun.” Liam says quietly.

“It’s okay. It’s nice being able to just talk to someone. I have enough fun in my life on a daily basis.” Harry sighs, placing his empty beer can on the table.

“Yeah?” Liam asks, sitting a little straighter on the couch, “maybe you could include me in that sometime.”

Harry laughs quietly, and tries not to read too much into the comment.

“Well, maybe I should get going?”

“No way.” Liam says, standing. “You aren’t driving home like this.”

“Liam, I’m barely buzzed. I’ll be okay.” Harry insists. As much as he wants to stay, he doesn’t know if that would be the best idea. But Liam gives him a stern look and Harry knows it would be useless to argue. People always say that Harry always gets his way, but he’s pretty sure that Liam can be very persuasive when he wants to be too.

“I think we have blankets here somewhere....”

Harry follows Liam slowly up the stairs. He can’t help checking him out from behind as they walk. Harry wonders if Liam has any flaws at all (other than his spelling of course).

Unfortunately, (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) there were no blankets in the upstairs closet where Liam assumed they’d be. Harry was about to insist that it was fine, he really could drive home, but Liam had a different idea.

“You can sleep in my bed and I’ll sleep in Lou’s.” Liam suggested.

“No!” Harry refused. “I won’t make you do that.”

“Louis isn’t here, he won’t even know. It’s not like he ever makes his bed anyway.”

Harry was ready to refuse again, but his eyelids felt heavy and he really didn’t feel like driving home tonight. So he’d agreed and him and Liam exchanged goodnights (albeit a little awkward) and Liam went off to Louis’s room, Harry stumbled into Liam’s.

Harry found himself lying wide awake in a very uncomfortable position. His mind was racing. He was sleeping in Liam’s bed. Liam’s actual fucking bed. As he lay there he had so many thoughts swarming through his brain. His head was resting on Liam’s pillow. His body was wrapped in Liam’s sheets. Harry couldn’t stop himself from thinking very un-pg13 thoughts. He found himself wondering what things Liam did to himself in this very bed, or if anyone else had slept in this bed with him.

Harry tossed and turned for what felt like an hour. He was not getting any sleep tonight. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one. Just as he was possibly about to drift off he was startled by a figure entering the room and blocking the light from the hallway.

“Liam?” Harry asked, confused.

“Sorry, but I will not get any sleep in that bed.” Liam sighed in frustration, getting into bed next to Harry. Harry felt his stomach drop. He’d thought about being here so many times before.

“Why? Thinking about all the things that happened in it?” Harry teased, trying to ease some of the tension he felt.

“Ew! No!” Liam laughed, turning to look at Harry. “But now I am, thanks for that Harry.”

“Sorry!” Harry smiled, thinking to himself.

“It was just way too stiff…..” Harry wondered if Liam could see the smirk on his face in the dark. “Don’t say anything dirty to that!”

Much of the awkwardness from earlier was gone and Harry felt a little more clear-headed now that some of the alcohol from before had worn off. Of course then he remembered that he was only feet away from Liam (in Liam’s fucking bed) and the nerves started to return.

“So, are you kicking me out then?” Harry asked lightly, unsure of what Liam’s response would be. Clearly he wouldn’t be comfortable sharing a bed with Harry… would he?

“No, you can stay….” Liam began, “as long as you behave!”

Harry chuckled, throwing his hands up to prove his point “I’ll keep my hands to myself I promise.”

Harry turned to look at Liam and the two made eye contact for a brief moment. It was hard to see in the dark, but Harry could sense some tension in the air. After a moment or two Liam turned to stare back at the ceiling and Harry could see him breathing heavy.

Harry closed his eyes. If he couldn’t sleep before he definitely couldn’t now. His body felt like it was on fire, radiating from Liam’s body heat that was merely inches away, his nose filling with Liam’s scent right beside him.

“I’m not really tired.” Liam whispered, barely audible and Harry turned to look at him once again. His eyes were adjusting a bit to light and he could see Liam a little clearer.

“Me either.” Harry whispered back. So it was kind of a lie, but he’d rather talk (or not talk) to Liam then sleep.

There was another beat of silence before Harry spoke again.

“What do you wanna do?”

Harry’s voice seemed to shake a little when he asked, wondering if Liam noticed or caught onto the connotation of that question.

Liam didn’t answer right away and Harry resisted the urge to just reach out grab him. Pull him by the neck and push his lips onto the older boys. He imagined his body weight on top of Liam’s, pressing into him…

Harry’s thoughts were interrupted when a pillow collided with his face.

A pillow fight wasn’t exactly what Harry had in mind, but he wasn’t just gonna sit and take it.

“Oh really? We’re doing this?” Harry yelled, sitting up on the bed and grabbing Liam’s second pillow. He barely had a chance to hold onto it before he was hit again, this time on the shoulder. Harry took his swing right at Liam’s head but Liam ducked and grabbed the pillow that Harry was holding. The boys wrestled for a moment but Liam’s grip was a stronger and he yanked the pillow from Harry. Harry stumbled a bit on the bed and his knee went right into Liam’s side causing Liam to drop the pillow. Liam screamed out, but he was also laughing, so Harry knew it wasn’t that painful, and he lay back down on the bed.

“Sorry!” Harry shouted, pulling back and kneeling beside Liam who had his eyes closed and his face was wincing in pain.

“I guess I deserved that.” Liam said quietly as he clutched his side.

“Oh, it’s not that bad, let me see!” Harry said as he reached forward and grabbed Liam’s hands, pushing them off. Harry gripped the hem of Liam’s shirt and pulled it up quickly, exposing the skin on Liam’s hip. Harry got a small peek of Liam’s happy trial and once again his mind went elsewhere, but he demanded his focus back to the injured spot. It looked a little red, but it wasn’t too bad.

“It’s nothing! Don’t be a baby!” Harry laughed and by instinct he reached out to rub the spot briefly, trying to help soothe the pain.

Harry realized that he may have crossed some boundaries when he felt Liam stiffen beneath him.

The silence in the room was deafening and in that exact moment Harry realized just how close he was to Liam. Their heads were only a foot apart and Liam was staring at him intensely.

Harry knew he was fucked. There was no way he could be just friends with Liam. And the way that Liam was looking at him right now gave him way too much hope. Taking a risk, Harry continued to rub the spot on Liam’s side gently and both boys were breathing hard now.  

It felt like slow motion when Harry saw Liam reach one of his hands up to move a curl briefly from Harry’s face, touching him softly. Liam swallows and Harry’s focus is shifted to Liam’s adam’s apple that’s moving up and then down in his throat. Harry’s eyes shift back to look right into Liam’s brown ones,  that now seem to be glowing.

“Kiss me.” Liam says so quietly that Harry wonders if he’s imagining things.

Before he has any time to talk himself out of it, Harry finds himself leaning down, inches away now from Liam’s face and their gaze steady on one another. Harry can feel Liam’s nose brush against his own and his breath is warm against his mouth.

Liam tilts up just barely and his lip’s finally collide with Harry’s. It feels familiar to Harry as he has a brief flashback to the first night that they’d kissed. This kiss is very similar except this time, Harry wants it so much more. Harry brushes his tongue lightly against Liam’s bottom lip, which causes Liam to open his mouth slightly wider and Harry tries to hold his composure as he feels Liam’s tongue against his.

Harry cannot believe this is actually happening.

As the kiss deepens Harry begins to move his hand from Liam’s side up under his shirt to the opposite hip where he wraps his hand around Liam’s waist and pulls his body closer. But this action causes Liam to flinch and then he pulls away from Harry, body sinking back into the bed and Harry see’s him close his eyes.

Harry sighs and pulls away, releasing his hands from Liam’s body. He was worried that this might happen. Liam is clearly still confused and the last thing that Harry wants to do is take advantage of him. He should have known better than to try to kiss Liam when he was probably still a little drunk anyways.

Harry pushes himself up off the bed slowly and sighs deeply to himself as he stands. As he does so Liam sits up on his hands, staring at Harry intently.

“Where are you going?” Liam asks softly, a tint of sadness in his voice.

Harry was trying to keep his cool, he didn’t want to be upset, but he couldn’t help be disappointed once again.

“Do you really want to do this Liam? Honestly?” Harry asks, fidgeting with his shirt as he waits for a response.

But he doesn’t get one. Instead, Liam puts his hands to his head, breaking his gaze with Harry. He sighs deeply and then falls back onto the bed, clearly upset with himself. This is enough of an answer for Harry.

“I’m pretty sober now. I think I’m just gonna go home.” Harry says defeated as he walks out the door. Liam doesn’t try to stop him this time.

As Harry drives home his emotions are all over the place. Part of him is disappointed that Liam is still pulling away from him. But on the other hand, this proves to Harry that Liam is definitely not 100% strait. Which means that Harry still has a shot.

However, drunken kisses are far from being any sort of accomplishment and Harry knows it’s gonna take a lot to pull Liam out of his shell. It would probably be easier to just try and forget about it and move on.

But unlike football or band, this is one thing Harry won’t give up on.


	2. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam wakes the next day with a pounding headache and a tinge of regret.
> 
> He’d kissed Harry Styles… again.

Liam wakes the next day with a pounding headache and a tinge of regret.

He’d kissed Harry Styles… again.

Liam wasn’t sure what to make of it, but it had happened and Liam wasn’t happy about it. He didn’t blame Harry, after all he vaguely remembers asking Harry to kiss him, but he was certainly not pleased with himself.

For whatever reason he kept finding himself drawn to Harry. The guy was intoxicating and Liam wished more than anything that he knew why.

But Liam was not gay. He just wasn’t. Whatever was going on with Harry had to be fueled by the alcohol, it was really the only explanation.

And even if he’d wanted to get involved with Harry (which he clearly didn’t) it wouldn’t even work out. Liam knew Harry’s reputation (or at least the small rumblings that he’d heard mentioned from Louis), and it wasn’t good. The guy was a bit of a player, and never had a serious relationship. Liam was probably just another person he wanted to cross off his list. I mean, he’d seen him kissing a girl he barely knew with his own eyes. He saw him cuddling up to his best friend on his own couch, and Harry himself and even mentioned having a thing for Zayn… so what could Harry possibly feel for Liam?

Liam demanded his brain to stop thinking as he walked to his favorite coffee shop. None of this even mattered, because he didn’t like Harry. And he was not going to kiss him again.

\--

Liam orders his drink and sits at the table only to be struck with déjà vu 10 minutes later as he sees that familiar mop of curls walking towards him. Liam’s stomach does a flip flop and he considers briefly making up some excuse and leaving, but he knows he should probably clear the air with Harry, as painful as this conversation is going to be.

Harry smiles briefly at Liam as he says hello and takes a seat across from him. Liam can see that Harry isn’t his usual upbeat self. Today he seems different, a little quieter, maybe defeated?

“Fancy meeting you here.” Harry says sarcastically, pausing after his comment and waiting for Liam to begin. You could cut the tension with a knife.

“Look, Harry… about last night…” Liam looks down at the table, he can’t see to make eye contact with Harry in this moment. He knows he’s once again led the guy on and once again that guilt returns.

“It’s okay, Liam, you don’t have to say anything.” Harry interrupts, commanding Liam’s attention to his face.

“What?” Liam responds.

“You were drunk, you didn’t mean it, etcetera etcetera.” Harry smirks, attempting to make the situation a little lighter. “Am I in the ballpark?”

Once again Liam hesitates before responding. Ballpark doesn’t begin to cover it. That’s pretty much exactly the argument that Liam was gonna make. But somehow when Harry says it, he understands how ridiculous it sounds. Liam knows he needs to make it clear that he’s not just some idiot in denial, he means what he says.

“I know it sounds like an excuse Harry, but I promise that I mean that.” Harry winces a little, Liam can see the hurt in his eyes. “I don’t want to sound harsh, but I just don’t want you to read into anything, okay?”

Harry nods slowly, and Liam can tell that he’s about to say something, but then stops himself.

“Look, nothing has to change, okay Haz?”  Harry’s brow furrows at the nickname and Liam regrets saying it almost immediately. But he continues, “I really do want you in my life… as a friend.”

Harry takes a breath but then nods again, still no words are coming from him and Liam desperately wonders what he’s thinking.

“Besides, wouldn’t want to mess things up with you and Zayn, right?” Liam laughs, trying to ease the tension with a small joke. Harry doesn’t seem to find it as funny.

“Right.” He says bluntly, pushing his chair out and standing. “Listen, I gotta go, but don’t worry about it, okay? We’re good. I’ll text you later, ya?” Harry smiles one last time and turns to leave.

Liam knows that Harry’s upset, and he knows he’s the cause, but there’s nothing he can do.

He absolutely _does not_ have feelings for Harry Styles.

\--

Harry didn’t want to give up on Liam. He really didn’t. Prior to running into Liam at the coffee shop (again) he had convinced himself that he had a chance, but after their very brief conversation he wasn’t so sure. When Liam had said ‘I promise I mean that’ he had looked pretty sincere, and sounded pretty damn convincing. Harry had thought there was something there, but maybe he was wrong.

Whether Liam was confused or not, there really wasn’t anything that Harry could do. Getting him drunk didn’t work, at least not for long. Trying to make him jealous didn’t work either. And trying to be friends with him was just too hard.

The only thing left for him to do was to avoid Liam. Harry knew he was being childish, he had told Liam that they were ‘good’ and Liam seemed like he meant it when he’d said he wanted to be friends, but it was gonna take some time. Just the thought of seeing Liam again made Harry’s heart hurt. And more than anything he hated that someone else had such an effect on him. Why couldn’t he just laugh this off and move on, what was it about Liam that got under his skin? He wrote guys off constantly. And he certainly didn’t waste time with strait boys. But there was something different about this one.

Maybe Harry should take Liam’s advice. Maybe he should use this opportunity to get to know Zayn a bit better. Zayn was gorgeous. Zayn was fun. He was nice, from what Harry knew of him. Maybe Zayn could be the perfect distraction.

Harry pulls out his phone, scrolls past L as quickly as possible and reaches Z. Zayn is the last contact in his phone and he hits the call button. After a few rings Zayn answers.

“Zayn? Hey… it’s Harry…”

\--

It had been two weeks since Liam had last heard from Harry and he was starting to get pissed off.

After running into him at the café he figured he’d give him some space, but Liam thought that after a week or so Harry would come around, but nope, nada. It was as if he had disappeared from the face of the earth. Except, Liam knew that wasn’t true because Louis was still hanging out with him. Louis hadn’t mentioned it to Liam but he’d overheard him on the phone making plans with Harry, Niall and Zayn on a few occasions. Liam couldn’t help but feel hurt. Harry had agreed to be friends but he wasn’t exactly keeping up his end of the deal. Every time Liam had called him to hang out he was busy. Whenever Liam texted he got one word responses. Liam never saw him at the coffee shop anymore either, in fact, he swore one time he saw Harry about to enter and then turn the other way.

Liam should have been happy that he was being avoided. He should have been relieved that he didn’t have to see him. But all he could feel was annoyance, and a little bit of sadness. People say that time is supposed make things better but Liam felt like they were only getting worse. He couldn’t help but feel like he’d really fucked things up with Harry. Liam found it extremely difficult to even focus on anything else and he was starting to feel really confused about everything. He kept daydreaming about Harry, and not just kissing him, but doing other things too, like holding his hand, or playing with his hair, or putting his arm around his shoulders. It freaked Liam out. He didn’t want to be thinking these things.

Maybe he could explain this to Harry. He was open. He was a great listener. Sure, Liam wasn’t Harry’s favorite person right now but he would understand… maybe.

\--

After an extremely long day Harry was exhausted and he was just ready to come home and relax. He was also looking forward to seeing Zayn tonight. They had been on a few dates in the last few weeks and things were starting to get a bit more serious. Harry didn’t usually stick with one person for long, but Zayn was nice, and he’d been a good distraction. It’d taken weeks for Harry to finally accept that things with Liam weren’t going anywhere. Sure, he’d been the one to avoid Liam in all that time. He’d been the one to act standoffish. But maybe it was for the best. Liam was too complicated and things with Zayn were easy. Harry liked easy… most of the time. With Zayn, he knew what to expect.

Tonight however, Harry was not expecting to come home to see Liam sitting on his front steps.

As Harry walks up, he makes eye contact with Liam and Liam stands, looking bashful and child-like and it’s a punch to Harry’s stomach. He forgot just how beautiful the guy was and he wanted to slap himself for just thinking it. He was supposed to be moving on from this guy, not get sucked in further.

“What are you doing here Liam?” Harry spits out.

It comes out a bit harsher than he anticipates but he continues moving forward and his shoulder brushes lightly with Liam’s as he walks past.

Harry can hear Liam sigh behind him and when Harry steals a glance back he can see that Liam is holding his hands, looking nervous.

“I just wanted to talk to you for a second…” he begins, his brown eyes looking big and sad and momentarily Harry wishes he could fix it.

That thought lasts only for a second when Harry remembers Liam’s harsh words two weeks prior.

“I can’t really talk right now, Liam, I have plans tonight. “ Harry turns back around and fidgets with the front door, putting the key in the lock.

“With Zayn?” Liam asks quietly and Harry stops what he’s doing. Harry turns to face Liam, whose looking right at him and all Harry can do is nod. He wonders what Liam’s thinking, but he knows it’s no use rubbing it in or trying to make him jealous, it’s not like Liam would even care.

Liam shakes his head slightly and looks down at the ground, then lets his hands fall back to his sides.

“Nevermind.” He begins and he starts to turn back.  “I shouldn’t have come.”

Before he can get very far, Harry has a hand out and he’s pulling Liam back.

“Wait.” He says, releasing Liam’s arm as the older boy turns to look at him. “Come inside? We’ll talk.”

Harry knows there is something on Liam’s mind and he owes it to the guy to let him speak. Trying to be cold with Liam just wouldn’t work, not with those puppy eyes staring at him like this.

 

Once both boys are inside the house Harry lets his bag fall to the floor and goes to hang his coat up. Liam looks hesitant and Harry can see he resists the urge to look around Harry’s house, a place that he’s never been before. He stands with his hands in his pockets and Harry doesn’t attempt to get them to leave the foyer. Whatever Liam needs to say can be said here.

“I’m not sure what’s …going on with me lately…” Liam whispers, not being able to look Harry in the eye.

Harry is confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… I’ve had a lot to think about over the past month and…” once again Liam hesitates, but after a moment decides to go on, “I kissed you twice, Harry.”

Harry chuckles, “I know, I was there.”

Liam continues, ignoring the joke, “and I don’t really know why.”

Harry sighs and shakes his head in frustration. A month ago Liam was insisting they were just friends. “What, it wasn’t the alcohol?” Harry asks bitterly.

“I don’t know.” Liam says a little louder, “maybe it was.”

He seems unsure and it’s pissing Harry off. “That’s bullshit Liam.”

Liam looks a bit startled at Harry’s choice of words, clearly he wasn’t expecting it.

“Alcohol doesn’t force you to do things. If anything it gives you the courage to do what you really want to do!” Harry doesn’t realize that he’s yelling until the words are already out of his mouth, but he doesn’t care. Clearly Liam needs a wakeup call.

“I don’t know.”

“Stop saying that!” Harry yells again. He’s not exactly sure what Liam’s reason is for being here. And if he’s here just to make it clear to Harry once again that he’s not interested, then Harry doesn’t want to hear it.

“Maybe you’re right!” Liam yells back, his hands flying out his pockets and into the open air.

Maybe he’s right? It’s not a complete change but it’s _something_.

“Are you drunk now, Liam?” Harry decides to take a risk.

Liam looks completely thrown off guard. “What? No…”

“Okay.” Harry says again, taking a few steps towards Liam so that he’s right in front of his face. Before he can stop himself he’s reaching out, hands grabbing the side of Liam’s face and pulling the guy to him. Harry kisses him roughly on the lips and he can hear a small moan escape from Liam’s mouth as he does so. Harry wants to keep going, but he stops himself, trying to prove his point. He pulls back from the kiss, hands still on Liam’s face. “So then, tell me, what was that for?”

Liam rips himself away from Harry stepping backwards and putting some distance between the two. “Don’t do that!” He says loudly, a bit of anger flashing in his eyes.

Harry wants to scream out, he’s so frustrated.

“Why are you even here, Liam? God, you’re so fucking hot and cold and it’s getting really, really tiring!” Harry doesn’t intend to keep going, but the words start spilling out and he can’t stop himself. “First you kiss me in the bar and blame the alcohol, you push me on Zayn, then you kiss me _again_ , tell me you just want to be friends, and now you show up here saying that maybe I’m right? I never know how to act around you! I don’t know what the fuck you want from me!”

“I’m trying to be honest with you and tell you what I’m feeling!” Liam interrupts, his voice equally as loud as Harry’s now. “What I want from you is to be a friend and listen!”

Harry shakes his head, his head is pounding. “I don’t think I can be just friends with you!”

The words seem to do something to Liam and his whole body tenses. There’s a sadness in his eyes that Harry once again cannot interpret. It’s quiet for another moment.

“Are you gonna say anything?!” Harry yells again, moving towards Liam quickly and the older boy tries to walk past him but Harry is too close, “SAY SOMETHING LIAM!”

Harry grabs Liam by the arms and pushes him backwards roughly. Liam’s body feels weak in his grasp and he allows Harry to push him up against the wall. Another small noise escapes from Liam’s throat as he closes his eyes and Harry can see that he’s breathing hard, just as Harry is.

Harry has Liam pinned and when his hips come forward, they collide with Liam’s briefly and Harry can feel Liam’s hardness through his jeans. Harry, startled to find that Liam is turned on, glances down quickly and Liam’s gaze follows his own, acknowledging what’s happening. Once again Liam closes his eyes and Harry can tell that he’s embarrassed. All the anger from before leave’s Harry and he reaches a hand forward to grab the back of Liam’s neck and tug softly on his hair, at the same time leaning his face in right up to Liam’s ear. “I’m gonna kiss you again, okay?”

Liam responds by gently nodding his head; if Harry wasn’t looking right at him maybe he wouldn’t have seen it, and he uses the opportunity to lean in, capturing Liam’s lips in his own.

It feels so good to be kissing Liam again, and for the moment all thoughts from before have completely exited Harry’s mind. He’s wanted this so badly and he can feel that Liam feels the same way. Liam surprises him by motioning forward into the kiss and grabbing Harry around the waist.

The two kiss for what feels like a long time before Harry attempts to move this along. His right hand moves from behind Liam’s hair, down to his chest, and down ever further until it reaches his lower abdomen, right above his belt. His right hand rests there, stabilizing himself against Liam and he brings his left hand in to undo the button on Liam’s jeans. Harry can feel Liam’s body tense a tiny bit, but Harry continues. He gets as far as pulling the zipper of Liam’s trouser’s down until he feels Liam’s right hand clasp tightly over Harry’s left hand.

“Harry” Liam breathes deeply, stopping him in place.

But Harry knows that Liam needs to be pushed a little. He doesn’t want this opportunity to get away from him.

Using his left hand, Harry removes both of their hands from Liam’s pants and interlocks their fingers, rising both of their arms up and against the wall to the side of Liam’s face. Harry uses his thumb to rub lightly against Liam’s. “Trust me” Harry whispers before leaning back in to kiss him. Harry thrusts his free hand down into Liam’s pants, causing the older boy to shift a little in place, but he doesn’t resist and Harry thinks he can feel Liam’s tongue on his own even harder than before.

As Harry’s hand works its way under the rim of Liam’s boxers he can feel Liam’s left arm grip his shoulder, bracing himself against the wall.

As Harry lets his fingers brush the head of Liam’s cock he can feel the pre-come wet against his fingers and he uses the lubrication to stoke down on Liam lightly.

Liam’s attempt to kiss Harry back is thwarted as he inhales deeply at Harry’s new movement in his pants. Harry takes the opportunity to kiss down Liam’s chin, and then to his neck. He can feel Liam’s heart beating rapidly through the veins in his neck and the thought of this exciting Liam as much as him sends shivers through his entire body; his own cock throbbing now.

For a few more minutes this continues until Harry picks up the pace a little and strokes harder on Liam’s dick. Liam’s grip on his shoulder has tightened significantly and his breathing speeds. Harry can tell that he is close so he removes his mouth from Liam’s neck and catches Liam’s lips back between his own, at the same time squeezing their clasped hands together and rocking his hips harder into Liam, his erection now pressing into Liam’s leg.

Liam moans louder, this time into Harry’s mouth and as Liam releases Harry can feel his cum hot and sticky on his hand as he continues to stroke Liam through his orgasm. Just the thought of getting Liam off almost pushes Harry over the edge himself and he removes his left hand from Liam’s tight grip to return it to the side of his face. He grabs Liam, steadying himself and leans into the boy, their foreheads resting together.

Liam is completely out of breath, and Harry removes his hand from Liam’s pants, wiping Liam’s cum on his shirt. (that would have to be washed later). The boys are still staring right at one another and Harry lets his left thumb gently stroke the side of Liam’s face, trying to calm him a little.

Harry is still achingly hard and he presses his hips into Liam’s once again.

“You can touch me if you want.” Harry whispers, and it’s too much for Liam. Liam retracts a little and shrugs himself away from Harry, guilt over what just happened clearly setting in again.

“Liam…” Harry begins, recognizing this feeling. He tries to reach out to touch him but Liam is out of reach, his hands moving to his hair.

“This is all moving too fast.” Liam barely gets out, still breathing hard.

“It’s okay… I know you’re confused.” Harry remembers his first sexual encounter with another guy. It was scary and confusing and Harry knows the denial that Liam is putting himself through. “We can still talk, Liam.”

“No!” Liam pushes Harry away from him, opening the door. “I shouldn’t have come here.”  He says one last time, racing out the door.

Once he’s gone, Harry trudges into the living room, falling backwards onto the couch, both sexually and emotionally frustrated. He knows what Liam’s going through, but he’s getting really sick of this game. He isn’t sure how long he can play it. Though it was scary, Harry had accepted himself fairly quickly, but Liam was clearly a different story. The guy had some serious issues and was obviously in an intense denial about what he was feeling. Harry wanted to be there for him, but it was impossible with Liam continuously pushing him away. Harry liked Liam a lot, but he just wasn’t sure if Liam was completely worth it yet.

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone buzzing in his back pocket. He reached for it to see that the text was from Zayn, confirming their plans for the night.

Harry hesitates for a second, then hits “reply” on the screen.

>> _I don’t think I can make it tonight… I’m just not feeling well._

It wasn’t exactly a lie.

\--

For the next few days Liam ignored Harry. It seemed to be a running theme with them. If one wasn’t ignoring or avoiding the other was. Liam wasn’t sure how he’d gotten himself into this situation but with Harry he was never sure of anything anymore. His feelings for the guy had snuck up on him and now it seemed like it was the only thing that he could think about. He wished he could just give Harry whatever it was that he wanted. It would make things a lot easier. But he couldn’t help feel completely ashamed over what he’d done. He didn’t have a problem with homosexuality. He really didn’t. After all, he was best friends with Louis and he had been willing to be friends with Harry, but when he thought about that lifestyle for himself he panicked. Liam wasn’t gay. At least, he didn’t think he was. He’d never once in his life had feelings for a guy, or even a little crush. It wasn’t like those coming out stories he always heard, where deep down you always knew. He’d never once had any sort of inkling.

In fact, the more than Liam thought about it, the more he’d realized he’d never really had intense feelings for _anyone_.  Sure, he dated girls, even slept with them, and he thought they were “pretty” or whatever but he’d never been in a serious relationship. He’d never been in love. And now here he is, kissing a guy, (going further than kissing!) and developing _something_ for him. No. It just couldn’t happen.

Liam scolded himself for ever going to Harry’s in the first place. What had he expected to happen? Harry probably wouldn’t understand his confusion anyways. Harry was 100% his own person. Clearly he was confident in himself and didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought, but Liam just wasn’t that way. Maybe weeks or even months from now they could possibly try being friends but for now it just wasn’t possible. Liam needed time to sort things out and that meant avoiding Harry at all costs. Luckily for Liam, it had been pretty easy so far. Harry hadn’t tried to text or call either.

\--

Another few days had passed and Liam was in his bed. It was around midnight and Liam was tired, which seemed to be pretty usual for him these days. The house was quiet, Louis was out drinking. However, Liam’s slumber had been interrupted when he heard the door open downstairs and voices coming in.

Liam almost bolted out of bed when he heard Harry’s familiar laugh. _What the fuck was Harry doing here?_ Liam got out of bed swiftly and made his way into the hallway, barely coming down the stairs and straining his ears to get a good listen.

He couldn’t really hear anything that was being said, but it was clear by the laughter and the clinking of glasses that both boys were drunk.

So Louis still hung out with Harry? Not that Liam really expected anything less. He’d never told Louis anything that had happened regarding Harry. Last Lou knew, everything was fine and they were trying to be friends. So he couldn’t be upset. But somehow, it made him a little envious. Just hearing Harry’s voice did weird, mushy, things to Liam’s heart. It hadn’t even been a week and he already missed him. Why did he feel this way? Liam slumps back against the wall and falls lightly to the ground, sitting alone in the dark hallway. There’s no use trying to go back to sleep with Harry having fun right downstairs. If Liam weren’t so confused he’d bound down the stairs right this second and interrupt the fun. But he couldn’t do that. He was supposed to be avoiding Harry after all.

\--

The next morning Liam makes his way down the stairs to find Louis still asleep on the couch, passed out. Liam makes breakfast for himself, and even gets some tea ready for Louis, who seems to be slowly waking up as Liam eats. Liam makes his way over to join his friend on the couch, handing him the tea. Louis is thankful.

“So, what did you do last night?” Liam asks innocently, failing to mention that he’d been up listening to Harry and Louis for hours.

“Went to Ringo’s. Was gonna meet up that guy, Josh… do remember him? The drummer guy we met there like a month ago?”

Liam nods slightly and lets Louis continue.

“But, he flaked out. And I ended up running into Niall and Harry. We had a blast, you shoulda come.”

Liam smiles slightly, wondering if he should suck it up and tell Louis about Harry… no, he couldn’t. He definitely wasn’t ready for that conversation.

“What, no Zayn?” Liam asks. He can’t control himself.

“No. Zayn had to work the next day so he couldn’t make it. Harry seemed kinda bummed at first,” Liam tries not to show that he cares as Louis continues to ramble “but he got over it pretty quickly. We just got him really, really drunk. And then we came back here for a bit. I’m surprised you didn’t hear us!”

Liam chuckled lightly, taking a sip of his tea. “Actually,” he begins, putting his glass back on the table. “I kinda did.”

“What?” Louis asks, confused. “Why didn’t you come down and hang with us?”

“I dunno.” Liam responds flatly. He’s never been a great liar.

Louis sighs deeply, moving his glass around the table so he can scoot a little closer to Liam.

“Okay, what’s going on with you two?” He asks, a weird glint in his eye.

“What are you talking about?” Liam plays dumb and picks his glass from the table, walking it over to the sink.

“Well, last night I mentioned inviting you to hang, since I figured you and Harry were new best friends and all…”

Liam almost chokes on his tea. They were never exactly friends, were they?

“And Harry acted like….” Louis trails off.

“Like what?” Liam almost yells, turning around. “What did Harry say?”

“Like, he wasn’t that into the idea… jeez, Liam.”

“Well, what did he say exactly?” Liam pushes.

“I don’t remember exactly. Just said it wouldn’t be a good idea, or something…..” Louis stands, looking directly at Liam now. “why do you care so much?”

“I don’t. We just, got into a little argument, that’s all.” Liam finishes, turning back away from Louis, hoping he’ll get the hint that Liam doesn’t want to continue the conversation.

Liam can hear the breath in Louis’s voice, like he’s about to say something, but then he stops himself.

“Okay, mate.” Louis responds quietly, not pushing. “I think I’m gonna shower now, thanks for the tea.”

Liam knows he’s being ridiculous. He knows he could tell Louis everything and Louis would understand, but Louis would just tell him that he’s being stupid. He’d tell him to talk to Harry about it. He’d tell him that Harry could help. He’d say that Harry, after all, was understanding.

Louis hadn’t said any of those things, but it didn’t stop Liam from thinking them. Maybe he hadn’t given Harry a proper chance. Sure, Liam had tried talking to Harry before and things didn’t exactly turn out so well. But maybe this time he needed to try harder.

\--

Things seemed to repeat themselves with Liam and Harry. Like a Ferris wheel things between them just kept going around and around. Which is exactly why Harry wasn’t surprised to see Liam once again at his front door waiting for him. However, this time, Liam was sitting on his front steps, looking down and playing with his hands.

Harry could ask him to leave. He could yell. But the truth is that he just doesn’t have the energy anymore. This would not be a repeat of last time. He wasn’t going to let himself succumb to temptation with Liam. Whatever reason Liam was here this time, Harry would let him speak.

Without even saying a word, Harry takes a seat on the steps next to him. Harry wonders if Liam notices their knees barely touching. If he does, he doesn’t make it obvious.

It’s quiet for a moment and if Harry weren’t still a little pissed off at Liam the silence would be nice. It was a warm evening, with barely any clouds in the sky and the sun was about to set. Harry looked slightly in Liam’s direction, waiting for him to say something. Eventually Liam speaks, keeping his focus on the ground.

“I wish I could explain to you what I’m thinking…. but I don’t know how.”

Liam says the words really slow and Harry thinks about what he can say to that, but he comes up blank. Part of him wants to shake Liam and tell him to stop being an idiot. A bigger part of him wants to pull him into a hug and tell him everything will be okay and never let him go. But he doesn’t want to push Liam away and he doesn’t know which option would do that quicker. So he doesn’t say anything at all.

Liam finally looks in Harry’s direction and Harry can see the genuine confusion in the boys’ eyes.

“I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

There’s that word again… friend. Liam probably doesn’t even realize how much it hurts.

“Is that all you want from me?” Harry asks boldly. He’s not expecting what comes next.

“No.”

Harry almost questions whether he heard Liam right. But seeing the look in Liam’s eyes confirms it. Harry knows that he’s digging a hole for himself. He knows the further he gets sucked into Liam’s web of feelings and emotions the harder it will be to get out of. He knows it’s all probably more complicated then he’s willing to put up with, but in this exact moment he just doesn’t care.

Harry reaches forward and lightly brushes the hair behind Liam’s ear. Liam closes his eyes to the touch and Harry instinctively scoots closer to the older boy. Liam opens his eyes to look at Harry and Harry can’t help but notice how long Liam’s eyelashes are. But he’s only able to concentrate on this for a second because before Harry knows it Liam is leaning in to kiss him.

The kiss is soft and gentle, unlike their previous kisses and Harry can feel that for Liam’s it’s about so much more than just the physical action. It’s as if Liam needs this. And maybe he does.

Harry breathes into the kiss, trying to enjoy the moment briefly before pulling away.

He had told himself when he saw Liam sitting here that he wasn’t gonna repeat what happened last time. Liam looks at Harry confused but Harry keeps his hand in Liam’s hair, still rubbing softly.

“Last time you came here you wanted to talk and I didn’t let you...”

Harry barely gets the sentence out before Liam is shaking his head.

“No…” Liam back in to Harry, pulling closer by the arm “I don’t want to talk.”

Liam goes to kiss him again but Harry resists.

Liam rests his forehead gently on Harry’s. “Please.” He begs.

 _Fuck._ Harry knows he shouldn’t kiss Liam back. He knows that pushing the issue away will not fix anything. But this is Harry. Harry rarely does what he should do. And right now he just really wants to kiss Liam.

Harry caves, grabbing Liam’s face with his other hand and pressing their faces close together once again. He kisses him hungrily and he can feel Liam’s hand tighten around his elbow.

Everything that happens after that is kind of a blur. Harry vaguely remembers Liam suggesting they go inside. He barely remembers Liam pulling him by his arm to his bedroom, and then pushing him down softly on his bed.

Before Harry knows it both of their clothes are removed and he’s being pinned to his own bed, Liam’s body pressed on top of him. He isn’t sure how things escalated to this point and he sure as hell isn’t gonna stop Liam from pushing this.

What Harry does remember is Liam sucking a hickey into his neck. He also remembers Liam kissing down his chest all the way down past his belly button and stopping right when he gets to Harry’s hip. Liam looks up at him through those long eyelashes and licks his lips softly, muttering to Harry that he’s never done this before.

Harry reaches down and rests a hand behind Liam’s head, in the same place as before, and Liam once again closes his eyes to the touch.

Harry’s learned that not saying anything at all seems to work better than trying to reason with the guy and in the next second Liam’s mouth his around his cock and Harry is tingling all over, shocked that things have even gotten this far.

For being so inexperienced Liam sure knows what to do with his mouth, (and his hands) and it isn’t long before Harry feels that familiar stir in the pit of his stomach as his orgasm builds.

Liam pulls off right before Harry is coming to capture him in another kiss and feeling Liam’s tongue in his mouth sends Harry completely over the edge.

Liam tucks himself into Harry’s neck, their bodies pressed together. Harry is breathing hard, trying to calm his nerves back down. He feels like he’s on fire and could probably pass out this exact second, but Liam’s erection is painfully obvious against his leg and he suddenly gets the urge to do something about that.

Harry rolls Liam over and returns the favor.

\--

Liam cannot sleep that night. He lays in Harry’s bed, body tense and emotions running high. He wishes he could just push all these thoughts away, wishes he could lay here and be happy for one night, but he cant stop his mind from racing.

They didn’t have sex, Liam stopped Harry before things got that far and Harry had understood, tucking himself close against Liam and falling asleep quickly. Liam hated how easy it all was for him.

He cared about Harry, he did, but he didn’t know if he was ready for all of this. Things had escalated way further than Liam had anticipated and now he was feeling guilt over the entire situation.

It’s like when he’s around Harry his mind shuts off completely and his instincts kick it. But when he has time to actually think, time to actually breathe, he freaks himself out. He wishes it weren’t that way but it is.

Liam shifts a little in bed, which causes Harry to stir. Liam sneaks a look at the clock and its 5 in the morning, the sun not even up yet.

Liam feels Harry’s arms tighten around him and the younger boy looks up him. “Morning.” He says sleepily and Liam smiles gently back at him, wondering if Harry could feel the tension in his own body as he barely holds Harry.

The two boys stare at each other briefly before Liam feels Harry move up a few inches, sneaking a kiss to Liam’s cheek, close to his ear.

“I wanna be with you.” Harry whispers.

Liam immediately pulls away. This is the last thing that Liam wants to hear. At least before he could have told himself that this was just a physical thing; that he and Harry enjoyed being around each other, but that it wasn’t anything serious. That way Liam wouldn’t have to feel bad about his guilt. But now? Knowing that Harry was having stronger feelings for him? There’s no way this could work.

Liam sits up in bed, gently letting Harry fall to his side and he can feel Harry’s eyes burning into him.

“Harry, I’ve been thinking a lot about last night…”

But before he can continue Harry is sitting up, his arms reach around to hold Liam by the shoulder. He already knows what Liam is about to say.

“Liam, please don’t freak out about this. I was scared the first time I did this too, I promise, it gets easier…” Harry presses a kiss to Liam’s shoulder and Liam can feel tears already welling up in his eyes. Harry is being so sweet about this, but he just doesn’t understand.

“I’m sorry Harry.” Liam says as he stands, grabbing his clothes from the floor and pulling his pants back on quickly. “I know I’m being confusing, but I just don’t know what’s going on with me.”

Harry pulls his legs up to rest his arms on them, he looks defeated. He doesn’t say anything, just sighs loudly as he watches Liam go.

“I’m sorry.” Liam says again, refusing to look at him. He races out the door.

-

Harry almost lets him go. But then he thinks better of it. He’s sick of Liam running away from him. And if this is the last time that he’s going to see him, he’s going to speak his mind.

He grabs his boxers from the floor and throws them on before rushing out of his room. He doesn’t bother making his way down the stairs, instead, just yells over the balcony at Liam who is almost out the door.

“There you go… running again! Hiding who you are.”

Liam turns around, confusion plastered on his face. Harry’s never been this blunt before and Liam wasn’t expecting it.

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Liam!”

Liam stands still, looking up at Harry with his puppy eyes and Harry almost wishes he can take it back. Almost.

“I cant be what you want me to be.” He says softly, eyes pleading.

Harry stands, waiting for Liam to continue. Be what he wants him to be?

“I’ve never had these feelings for a guy before Harry. I’m not gay. I can’t be.”

Harry doesn’t know what he can say to get Liam to change his mind. He knows there’s nothing he can do, that Liam can only come around on his own time.

“Why are you trying to label yourself?” Harry begins. “We don’t have to tell anyone.”

“But they would find out!” Liam yells, his voice rising for the first time tonight. “What would they say?”

Harry’s almost fuming. “For fucks sake, Liam, your best friend is gay! They all know about me too. No one will care!”

Liam takes a breath, soaking in Harry’s words. Harry wonders if maybe just maybe he’s gotten through to him.

“What did your parents think when you told them?”

Harry is shocked. He was not expecting to be asked that. He doesn’t want to answer Liam, but he knows he has to.

“I never told them.”

Liam looks annoyed and he throws his hands up in the air. “Then how can you say that I’m the one that’s hiding!?”

“It’s different, Liam. I never told them because it’s none of their fucking business. But you know what? Even if I did, they wouldn’t care.”

“Well that’s nice for you,” Liam says, turning away and heading back towards the front door. He grabs the handle and turns it open. Before exiting he turns to face Harry again.

“Unfortunately for me, my parents wouldn’t be as accepting. But I would have to tell them because, unlike you, I can’t lie to my family. “

“Instead you’re just gonna keep lying to yourself?” Harry rushes out the words in the harshest way that he can. Liam needs a wakeup call.

“I guess so,” Liam responds quietly, completely defeated. “it’s easier that way.”

“Fine!” Harry screams, “but you can’t keep doing this. You cant keep running away and then coming back. I’m not gonna be your dirty little secret.”

“Okay.” Liam says, using the back of his hands to brush more tears out of his eyes. “Then, whatever this is… it’s done. For good.”

Harry couldn’t speak even if he wanted to. He hates how final this feels. He knows that it’s for the best, that it’s better in the long run, but at the same time he feels like crying... Liam’s like a drug that he’s become addicted to. He doesn’t want this to stop.

Liam turns away slowly and Harry watches him walk out the door.

“When you figure things out, I’ll be waiting.” Harry says, unsure if it was loud enough for Liam to hear. The front door slams shut one last time.

\--

It’s been a few weeks and Liam hasn’t heard from Harry. Not that he expected to. Their last conversation wasn’t exactly cordial. Liam heard through the grapevine (or maybe just Louis) that Harry was dating Zayn officially now. It shouldn’t have stung as much as it did, but it was pretty much the only thing that Liam could think about.

Liam knows he shouldn’t be taking out his frustration on Louis, but he’s the only one around and Liam has to vent somehow. When he’s not moping around, he’s snapping at Lou over the most ridiculous things. And Liam makes no attempt to his hide his anger when Harry is mentioned.

Liam knows he’s being completely obvious but he cant seem to find himself caring anymore. He thought after he cut Harry out that he’d be able to move on but he should have known that would be impossible. And frankly, what was the point now? Being with Harry and feeling guilty or being without Harry and feeling lonely, it all hurt just the same.

Lou attempts to get Liam to talk a few times, but gives up when he sees that Liam will not budge. Liam knows he should just tell him, but seeing as Louis is friends with both Harry and Zayn, Liam knows that would just make things messier. He fights the urge to send Harry a text almost every day but he hopes with time that things will get better. No such luck so far.

Another week goes by and no change. Louis is starting to get irritated and Liam cant blame him.

“We need to go out tonight. Just you and me, like old times.” Louis presses.

Liam wants to say no. He just wants to lay in his bed and sleep away the days but so far that hasn’t been working at all. Maybe a night out with his best friend can make things better. Maybe, just maybe, he would end up meeting someone to take his mind off of he-who-will-not-be-named.

“Fine, but no Ringo’s.”

\--

They go to a different place. It’s not as big but there are a lot of people around and it’s clean enough. There are no cute girls that catch Liam’s eye (like always) but for once he allows himself to drink a little. He’s certainly not having any fun, but it is kind of nice to get out of the house for a few hours. To be somewhere new.

With each sip that Liam takes things seem to be going better. That is until he spots a familiar mop of curls out of the corner of his eye.

Liam feels like screaming. It’s proving impossible to get away from this guy.

To make matters worse Harry isn’t alone. He can see the dark hair of Zayn at his side. Annoyingly close to his side.

Liam tries his best to hide his face, he doesn’t want to be spotted. Not that Harry would attempt to talk to him anyways. He tries not to look over, but he can’t help himself. When Zayn leans in to kiss Harry he almost loses it. Liam’s never been the jealous type, or the angry type, but seeing Harry look so happy, especially while he’s here feeling so miserable, stirs up an intense hatrid in Liam’s gut.

It’s in that moment that Liam realizes just how stupid he’s been. He could have had something great with Harry and he threw it all away. Harry had been right. They could have kept it to themselves. They could have taken things slow until Liam was ready. Liam hated himself for being such an idiot and he’d never felt so regretful in his entire life.

Before Liam realizes what he’s doing he’s walking over to the duo. His intentions are only to say a quick ‘hello, how are you’ but somehow a jealous sounding “so you’re dating Zayn now?” comes out instead.

Both Harry and Zayn have turned to face Liam now and Liam can’t read the expression on their faces clearly, but he knows they aren’t too happy. Liam wonders what Harry has told Zayn about him… if he’s mentioned anything at all.

Harry only nods awkwardly, as if he’s unsure how to respond to Liam and Liam continues.

“How come you didn’t tell me?” Liam doesn’t mean to sound as angry as he does, but he can’t exactly control his emotions right now and he notices Harry awkwardly shift in his seat.

“What’s going on here?” Zayn directs his focus back at Harry, but Harry’s attention is stuck on Liam, shocked into silence. “Harry” Zayn says again, stronger this time and he harshly grabs Harry’s face away from Liam to look at him.

Liam snaps. “Don’t touch him like that!” Seeing Zayn put his hands on Harry really pisses Liam off.

Zayn stands quickly and walks around the table so that he’s standing right in front of Liam’s face. “What the hell is your problem?” Zayn asks, darkness in his eyes and his voice rising.

“Liam, I think you should go.” Harry is standing now and makes his way between the two, playing mediator. Liam feels a familiar hand on his chest and he looks to see that Harry is staring directly at him, silently pleading with him not to make a scene.

Looking at Harry Liam finds his anger slowly lowering. He knows he could probably take Zayn in a fight, but he would never do that to Harry. But seeing him with someone else still hurts and Liam cant stop the next words that spill out.

“So much for waiting, Hazza.”

Liam’s not sure if it’s the nickname or if it’s the actual words from their last conversation that gets to him but Harry retracts his hand immediately from Liam’s chest and Liam can see the sadness in his eyes.

Liam immediately wants to take it back but instead he turns around and walks away.

Maybe Liam’s made a fool of himself, but he doesn’t care. He wants Harry back.

 

\---

 

As Harry watches Liam walk away it takes everything in his power not to immediately run after him, to soothe him, to hold him. He knows it’s ridiculous, especially after how Liam’s been acting, but it’s not like his feelings just went away.

“Come on.” Zayn says to him quietly, grabbing Harry by the hand and trying to lead him back to their table. But Harry’s feet are frozen and he can’t seem to let this go.

As Harry exits the bar Zayn softly yells at him in the background. But Harry can’t hear.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m just looking out for you.” Liam says quietly.  
> “Bullshit!” Harry yells. Why can’t Liam ever say what he’s really thinking? “You know full well you came over to us because you were jealous! Just fucking admit it!” Harry reaches out and shoves Liam lightly.

Harry manages to catch up to Liam outside the bar, just as Liam’s about to cross the street.

“How dare you?!” Harry yells loudly. Liam turns around, clearly shocked to find that Harry has followed him out.

“What?” Liam asks, taking steps back towards Harry. It’s dark outside and the street is fairly deserted at this time of night.

“You break up with me and then have the nerve to accuse me of trying to move on and be happy?” Harry’s fuming now. His earlier instinct to comfort Liam has clearly vanished now that the boy is standing right in front of him.

“You didn’t look very happy to me!” Liam yells back, now only feet in front of Liam.

A few random girls giggle and run past the pair, clearly embarrassed at the public dispute that’s going on.

“Come on!” Harry nods a head towards the alley that’s a few feet away so they can talk in private.

Liam follows hesitantly.  “I don’t trust him.”

Harry turns around to face Liam, clearly frustrated. “Why? You don’t know him.”

“The way he grabbed your face in there? That was crossing a line!”

“And you storming in on us wasn’t?”

“I’m just looking out for you.” Liam says quietly.

“Bullshit!” Harry yells. Why can’t Liam ever say what he’s really thinking? “You know full well you came over to us because you were jealous! Just fucking admit it!” Harry reaches out and shoves Liam lightly. He knows that getting physical is no way to handle a situation but Liam somehow manages to push all his buttons.

“Do you think about me?” Liam asks quietly. Harry can barely hear him. Just as he’s about to answer Liam steps closer to him, walking them both backwards until Harry’s back is against the brick. Liam gets right next to his ear. “Do you think about me when you’re fucking him?”

Liam stays in place for what feels like forever, breathing heavily until Harry musters all his energy into pushing him away.

The truth is, Liam is right. Harry thinks about him constantly. Even when he’s with Zayn, but he’s trying to move on. He cant continue to torture himself. He cant continue to play this back and forth, never-ending game.

“Fuck you, Liam.” Harry spits out, standing up from against the wall and getting right up in Liams face. “Zayn’s not afraid to be seen with me. He’s not afraid to just admit who he is and what he wants!

Liam ignores Harry. “Break up with him.” Liam whispers quietly.

Harry thought he was done being surprised but surely this takes the cake.

“Why?” Harry pushes. Liam stands there silently, then he looks to the ground. “Why?!” Harry asks louder. He needs Liam to admit it. When Liam once again doesn’t respond Harry shakes his head and turns to leave. He’s done with this.

He doesn’t get far and Liam’s fingers are wrapping around his wrist, pulling him back.

“Please.” Liam pleads, his voice barely audible and it pains Harry to even look at him.

Harry tries again. “Why do you want me to break up with him?”

Liam grabs Harry’s other wrist and pulls him in even closer so that their bodies are pressed right up against each other. “Because I know you still want me.”

It’s not what Harry had wanted to hear, but he’s unable to move. He once again finds himself sucked into Liam’s web. Time goes on and the next thing Harry knows, Liam’s lips are on his. Harry feels Liam’s grip on his wrists tighten briefly before letting go and move up to his face. Harry hates himself for giving in. He hates himself for still caring. His insides hurt but Liam just consumes him. He’s physically unable to say no.

Too soon, Liam releases him. “Just do it.” He whispers before turning away and leaving Harry alone in the dark.

Harry takes a few steps backward until his back finds the wall once again and he sinks to the ground.

What is he supposed to do now?

 

\--

 

It’s only been one day. One day, and Liam can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever hear from Harry again. He knows he fucked things up. He got drunk, confronted Harry, and then said some hurtful things outside the bar. Liam’s not sure if he necessarily regrets what he said, but he knows he could have handled the situation better. He should have just sucked it up and told Harry exactly how he felt. That he was in love with him. That he has been for a while. That he regrets letting him go. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t form the words.

Liam was tired of running, but that didn’t necessarily make things any easier. He’s never been good at expressing his feelings as it was and with Harry it just always felt like there was too much pressure. But he had hoped he’d gotten his point across. He hoped that somehow, Harry would understand. Surely what Liam was feeling wasn’t one sided. Surely, Harry felt the same about him… he just had to.

By 11pm that night Liam is just about to give up. He decides that moping around and dwelling about Harry all day wont do him any good and maybe if he gets some sleep the next day will go by quicker than today. Just as he’s about to settle in he hears a quiet knock on his bedroom door and Louis pokes his head in.

 “Just wanted to let you know there’s someone here that wants to see you.” He has a smirk on his face. “Oh, and I’ll be in my room… with my earplugs in.” He gives Liam a final wink and just as Liam is about to ask him what the hell he is talking about he’s already out the door and someone else is slowly making their way in.

Liam almost jumps out of bed. “Harry?” he asks quietly.

Harry shuts the door softly behind him and leans against it. It’s as if he wants to stay as far away from Liam as possible and Liam braces himself for what Harry is gonna say.

“I ended it with Zayn.”

Liam isn’t sure that he heard things right. Harry isn’t looking at him, instead his focus is to the ground and Liam isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do. His heart feels like it’s going to beat out his chest, but he waits for Harry to respond.

“You were right.” Harry says, crossing his arms and barely looking up. “I think about you all the time. Zayn was… a distraction. I was trying to move on.” Harry finally looks Liam in the eye. “But I just want you.”

Harry stands there for a moment, Liam cannot take his eyes off of him. He also cant help but see the sadness in Harry’s eyes. The fear. Liam knows how much guts it took him to come here and say that to Liam, especially after everything Liam’s put him through.

Liam scoots forward and puts his feet on the ground, standing from the bed. He walks slowly over to Harry, who has now uncrossed his arms but hasn’t moved from his place against the door.

Liam finally makes his way over to Harry. He reaches past him and turns the lock on the door, then places his hand behind Harry’s neck.

“And I just want _you_.” Liam plays with the hair on Harry’s neck before pulling him forward and pushing their lips together. Unlike last night this kiss is slow and intense.

Both Liam and Harry’s hands are everywhere and neither can keep from touching the other.

Liam tries to take in every second. The way that Harry’s curls feel against his hand, the roughness of his tongue against his own, the sweet scent of Harry filling his nose.

Liam pulls Harry backwards and the two fall onto Liam’s bed. Liam has no time to think and he’s surprised when he feels Harry pull off of him.

“What?” Liam asked, afraid.

“I still need a reason to be here Liam. I need you to say something to prove that this isn’t just…you know…”

Liam knows exactly what he means. And he knows that if he says ‘I love you’ right now it would fix everything. But Liam can’t say it. Not yet. He can’t hurt Harry again. And he knows that he can’t say the words until he’s able to give himself completely to Harry. Not just physically, but emotionally as well.

“I really like you, Harry. And I know, I know I’m being… complicating, and confusing. I don’t know if I’m ready to tell the entire word about us yet but I just know… that I want to be with you.”  Harry sighs quietly and looks away but Liam sits up and reaches for him, grabs his face in his hands and pulls his focus back towards him. “I know it’s a lot to ask. But I need you to be patient with me and help me figure it out… please, Harry?”

Harry reaches his hands up and grabs Liam’s wrists that are holding his face. He doesn’t say anything, just nods. Then he smiles and Liam thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

 

\--

 

They mess around after that, but they don’t have sex. Liam’s not ready for that yet and Harry is willing to wait. Harry looks next to him and almost can’t believe that Liam is asleep in his arms. He’s not exactly sure how he got here, but he’s hoping that this time it’ll last. Perhaps it was against his better judgment to give in to Liam, to agree to wait for him, but he doesn’t care. He’s willing to take whatever Liam is willing to give. And something about this time feels different. More honest. He’s putting his trust in Liam and hoping that in time he’ll figure things out. After all, Liam’s come so far in such a short time, what’s a little longer?

 

-

 

Weeks go by and they still don’t talk about what they are, but Harry guesses they’re dating? Even though they never go out in public. And when they’re with the group they have to sneak off to be alone. Part of it is fun, the sneaking around. Fooling around in closets, or bathrooms, always trying to be quiet, but Harry can’t pretend that he doesn’t get frustrated at times. Liam still pretends that he’s into girls, and this drives Harry absolutely crazy. He tries to be patient with Liam, but it’s getting tough. It almost makes Harry feel like he’s going back into the closet himself. And his friends start to get suspicious when he doesn’t talk about meeting other guys or bringing them around. He just wants to be honest and tell everyone what’s really going on, but he knows he can’t do that. He’s not exactly sure what Liam even wants from him, or what he’s waiting for. They always seem to be fighting, but then Liam kisses him; pleads for more time. And of course, Harry caves. He always caves.

Harry’s fooled around with guys before, so he doesn’t know why all this secrecy is getting to him now, but he wonders if things between him and Liam will be at a standstill forever.

Then one day Liam acts differently. Harry feels him looking at him more, fidgeting with his hands more, even casually touching him a little more than usual. Harry wonders what’s going through his head and why he’s acting differently. At the end of the night when they are finally alone and Louis has gone to bed, he gets his answer.

Liam cuddles up to Harry and whispers in his ear, “I think we should have sex.”

 

\--

 

Harry feels like pinching himself. He just cant fathom that he is actually here, with Liam, doing _this_. Of course, they’ve made out in Harry’s bed plenty of times. And yes, they’ve fooled around before, but it’s never felt like it does now. It’s as if all of Harry’s senses are completely heightened. Every sound, every touch, every move that Liam makes feels like an explosion of waves running through Harry’s body. He’s had sex plenty of times, but this time it feels different; so much _more_.

Harry’s hands are in Liam’s hair, pulling him closer and Liam’s tongue is making its way up Harry’s neck, past his jaw, and into his mouth. Both boys are sitting on Harry’s bed, facing each other, Harry’s legs wrapped loose on top of Liams. Harry can feel Liam’s rough hands gripping his hips tightly, holding him in place. Most of their clothes have been discarded and both boys were now only left in their boxers, the only heat in the room coming from one another. Harry was plenty warm.

He was trying hard to focus and keep his cool, and he didn’t want to rush Liam. He wanted this experience to be perfect. The thought itself was odd, Harry was typically not one to wait for sex. In fact, Harry couldn’t even remember the last time he was in a relationship. If that’s what this even was. Harry wonders if Liam feels the same way that he does.

He feels Liam’s cold hands brush against his hip and along the edge of his briefs. Liam pulls away for a small second to look Harry in the eyes as he silently asks his permission to remove the clothing. Harry moves his hands to place them softly over Liam’s and helps pull them down and off, feeling exposed. The lights are off but Harry can’t help but feel nervous and worries that this may be too much for Liam. But before he knows it Liam is pulling his own boxers off and pushing Harry back down into the mattress, their bodies now pressing together. Harry can feel the hardness of Liam’s erection against his own and a small moan is released from his lips before he even realizes it.

“Are you sure?” Harry mutters, cringing at his choice of words. It’s the same cliché line from  like every bad movie where the girl finally loses her virginity to the guy and he wants to make sure he’s not pressuring her, but Harry can’t help but ask. He’s never cared about anyone in this way before and he wants to make sure it’s what Liam really wants.

Liam doesn’t speak and instead gives his answer by pressing harder into Harry and smashing his lips roughly on the younger boys, deepening the kiss.

“Do you want to be on top?”

Harry can’t believe the words are coming out of his mouth, but they are, and he wants Liam to feel comfortable. Harry _never_ bottoms during sex. He’s only done it once before and it wasn’t the greatest experience. But he thinks if Liam gets used to the idea sex with Harry may be easier in the future.

Harry can see that Liam looks a little scared.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Harry chuckles slightly “It’s not that hard.” But Liam’s nervousness is cute. “I’ll help you.”

Harry pushes Liam lightly off of him and reaches into a drawer next to his bed. Liam is sitting on his knees, just waiting, looking unsure and a little scared.

“Here.” Harry says as he hands Liam the condom.

“Do we need it?”  Liam asks hesitantly and Harry can tell that it’s a loaded question.

“I never slept with Zayn,” Harry begins and he can see Liam’s face change slightly. He can tell that Liam is relieved. “And I’m clean…. but, I want you to be safe.”

Liam nods slightly and as he goes to put the condom on Harry sits up to shift position so that he’s now facing away from Liam.

After that things seem to move in slow motion. Harry helps Liam coat his fingers with lube. He kisses him softly, distracting him a little as he guides Liam’s hand down to finger his hole. It’s a little awkward and Harry can tell that Liam is new at this too, but he isn’t backing down and his eagerness is just more of a turn on. Harry can tell that Liam wants to be good at this, he wants to please Harry. Eventually Harry has Liam add another finger and then a third and then it’s time.

Harry leans forward onto the bed, his elbows bracing his body up as Liam’s fingers grab tightly onto his hips and he can feel Liam’s cock lining up. Liam is bigger than Harry expected and he pushes in slowly Harry tries hard not to express his discomfort.

The pain doesn’t matter to Harry though, Liam moving inside of him after all this time is the best feeling in the world and Harry can’t even comprehend that they finally made it here.

As it continues Liam picks up his pace and Harry is amazed at how good Liam actually is at this. He’s rougher than he expected, but Harry likes it. As Liam fucks him his hand doesn’t stop touching Harry. It’s holding Harry’s hand, then it’s running down Harry’s back and finally, it’s on Harry’s own dick, rubbing in time with Liam’s thrusts.

“Fuck, Liam!” Harry yells as he feels his orgasm building in his stomach. It usually takes a lot longer for Harry to release, but with Liam’s inside him and touching him he can’t hold back any longer. Harry spills over Liam’s hand but Liam doesn’t remove himself just yet. Harry can tell that he’s close by his breathing and he pushes back into Liam, feeling him go even deeper. They hold hands briefly before Harry can feel Liam’s grip tighten and his cock pulsing inside of him.

Harry feels Liam pushing himself off of Harry and out, and Harry lets himself fall onto his stomach on the bed. Liam collapses on top of him soon after, both breathing hard.

“Wow.” Is all that Liam manages to say before Harrys leaning in and kissing him. Wow is right. Harry can feel his heart racing in his ears as he pulls the older boy closer to him, wrapping his legs around Liam’s and resting a hand against his back. He wishes he could ask Liam what he’s thinking but he doesn’t want to ruin the moment and instead just lays there while he lets his eyes shut.

He hears Liam drift off and as he tries to sleep he cant stop his mind from racing. Liam takes up literally every second of his thoughts. Harry knows he’s fucked.

Harry Styles has never been in love before.

He is now.

\--

The next morning Liam wakes up to a naked Harry Styles in his bed and he almost can’t believe that the night before actually happened. He actually had sex, with a guy, for the first time… and maybe, just maybe, he wants to do it again.

Liam reaches forward to move a hand through Harry’s curly locks and as he does so he sees Harry’s eyes flutter open, the green in them glinting in the light.

“Morning.” Liam says softly and Harry smiles. Liam thinks he could look at that smile everyday.

“Morning.” Harry responds and pushes himself up onto his elbow so that he can lean in and kiss Liam softly on the cheek.

It’s a sweet moment, but Liam doesn’t want sweet and he cups Harry’s head with his hand and pulls him forward again, this time catching Harry’s lips between his own, kissing into his mouth deep.

Harry moans softly into the kiss and Liam feels himself being trapped beneath the younger boy when Harry shifts his weight on top of Liam’s.

Liam can feel Harry hardening on top of him and he reaches down to stroke Harry lightly. This continues for a while and Liam picks up the pace of his hand. But before Harry is even close, Liam feels Harry’s hands grip his own, stopping his movement.

“Don’t.” Harry says.

Liam breaks the kiss and looks at Harry, confused.

Harry leans forward to kiss Liam softly on the ear. “I want to cum inside you.”

Liam can feel his eyes bulge when he registers what Harry as said. Sex with Harry last night was amazing, but he’s not sure if he’s ready for Harry to be inside of him just yet.

“I’ll be really gentle, I promise.” Harry whispers to Liam and he knows that he’s done for. He’s not gonna be able to refuse Harry, and frankly, he doesn’t want to.

“Okay.” Liam says softly but as he goes to turn himself over Harry pushes his shoulders back down onto the bed.

“No…” Harry begins, “I want to look at you when we do this.”

Liam can’t move and he finds himself just staring up at Harry for a few moments. Liam is so thankful that he has someone like Harry to help him through this. He isn’t sure if he had kissed anyone else that night if he’d even be in this situation now.

Harry leans down and gently kisses Liam and Liam can hear him grabbing another condom. Liam reaches for it and rips it out of Harry’s hand, throwing it to the ground.

“I trust you.”

Liam knows that he’s being reckless. Harry has slept with a lot of other guys before him, but he doesn’t care. He knows that Harry wouldn’t lie to him and he meant what he said. He trusts Harry with his life and he wants this moment to be special.

Harry coats his fingers and himself with lube and when Liam feels Harry’s finger inside him he thinks he can do this. It doesn’t hurt so bad. When a second finger is inserted though, Liam cries out. Harry immediately stops moving his fingers to ask if Liam is okay and just seeing Harry’s concern for him makes Liam want to keep going. As Harry continues to move his fingers inside of Liam, Liam can feel himself relaxing. He can already feel that familiar pull in his gut and he hasn’t even been touched yet.

When Harry finally pushes himself into Liam he feels like he’s gonna break. Everything about this moment is frantic. It’s painful, but romantic. And the way that Harry looks as he rocks into him, the light from outside shining through, is beautiful. Liam’s never felt so exposed before but it’s the most intense experience he’s ever had. Part of Liam wishes that his had happened first. Last night it was more about sex for him, but today he knows that it’s more.

Harry has one hand behind Liam’s leg, pushing him open so that he can thrust in deeper, the other is gripping Liam’s hand tightly, thumb lightly brushing against his knuckles. It’s comforting and Liam leans up a little to kiss Harry, pulling him down with his hands. Liam’s eyes flutter open and he can see that Harry is staring right into them. They stay like this and in the next second Liam can feel Harry’s hand closing around his cock, pushing Liam further to edge.

It goes on for what feels like forever and Liam can tell that Harry is dragging this out. He doesn’t mind, he’s trying to last as long as he can but Liam is so close now and Harry is pushing harder, moving his hand faster, and he’s still staring into Liam.

“I love you.” Harry pants out. Liam feels the same way but he can’t respond. He can’t say anything because his orgasm is now spilling out of him and all over his stomach and Harry’s hand.

Liam tries to control his breathing but he can still feel Harry inside of him and all of his senses are tingling. He knows that Harry is close when he feels Harry pull up and grip his legs harder. In another minute Harry is cuming and reaching for Liam’s hand and Liam can almost feel himself getting hard again just from the sensation of Harry spilling inside of him. Harry is about to pull out but Liam reaches for his arms and holds him still. “Don’t… not yet.”

Liam wants to feel Harry in him for just a little longer.

\--

They have sex everywhere now, Liam is always in the mood for that, and behind closed doors they are ridiculously happy, but in public not much is different.

Harry assumed that after they had sex things would change. Maybe Liam would agree to tell their friends about them. Or at the very least maybe he’d stop fake flirting with girls. But things are still the same.

Harry can tell that Liam isn’t completely comfortable. He can tell that he’s still embarrassed. Most importantly, Liam has never said “I love you” to Harry.

Days turn to weeks with no change. One day when they’re outside and there’s no one around Harry tries to reach for Liam’s hand, but it’s pushed away. Harry sighs in frustration; he’s not sure how much longer he can put up with this.

Eventually Harry breaks down. He doesn’t know why it’s happening now, but it’s been building and he can’t take it anymore. Liam tries to ask him what’s wrong but Harry pushes him away.

The next day Harry packs up some of his stuff that’s been gathering at Liam’s. He’s finally giving up.

He decides to leave just one thing. A note.

 

 

      _Liam,_

_I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m not sure what we are and it feels like we aren’t getting anywhere. I love you SO MUCH but I’m not sure that you feel the same way. I’m sorry that I had to end things in a note, but I know that if I tried doing this in person I wouldn’t have the strength. It kills me that we can’t just be together, but until you can accept who you are, I can’t be with you. You once asked me to give you time, and now I’m asking for that from you. It doesn’t have to be the end._

_Harry_

 

 

Harry wipes a tear from his eye and walks out the door.

 

\--

 

For the next few weeks Harry spent most of his time with Niall, using every chance he could to avoid Liam. He’d received a few texts that he never responded to, got a few calls that he never answered, and had exactly one voicemail that he immediately had deleted. He knew that if he allowed himself to hear Liam’s voice he would cave and he wouldn’t do it this time. Apologies didn’t mean anything anymore and Harry was tired of going in circles. Until Liam somehow proved to him that he was ready for a real relationship (public and all) he would continue to try to move on. Try being the key word because it was damn near impossible.

 

\--

 

If Harry was having a hard time, Liam had it worse. Some days he wouldn’t even get out of bed. He’d used up most of his sick days at work already and his boss was starting to get suspicious. Liam wondered if at night Louis could ever hear him crying. He knew he’d messed things up with Harry and without him there was such a giant void in his life. After he’d received the letter he’d tried calling and texting but got no response. This time Harry really meant it and Liam knew he had to prove himself. After all, Harry had written _it doesn’t have to end_ and Liam knew it was possible to fix things. He just didn’t know how he was gonna get to that point. Telling anyone about him and Harry was the scariest thing in the world, he wasn’t sure he was ready to face all of that yet. Would he ever be ready?

 

\--

 

Eventually Liam did return to work, but that didn’t mean that he was okay. He’d kind of accepted the fact that Harry was no longer in his life, but he certainly wasn’t happy about it. He tried to remember a time when the curly haired boy with dimples wasn’t on his mind 24/7, and it was impossible. Imagining his life before Harry was so foreign now.

It had been a few weeks of this and Liam wondered if things would ever get better. But no matter what he was doing he thought of Harry. Liam knew that he was starting to piss off Louis and one day, the older boy ended up confronting him.

“I need to talk to you about Harry.” He had said. And that was all he had to say really. Liam knew that Louis knew. Maybe he had all along. The way that Louis was looking at him was enough to make Liam want to throw up. Except for this, Liam had told Louis about everything, so why was this so hard?

Liam had sat there for a really long time not really saying much of anything and Louis had been a good friend. Liam could barely remember a time when Louis wasn’t being snarky or sarcastic, but he had sat there with Liam, holding his hand and waiting for him to speak.

“How did you know?” Liam asked, not managing to make eye contact.

“Come on, Li. It’s been painfully obvious since the beginning.” At this Liam looks up, questioning in his eyes. Was Liam really that dense? He thought he had done a pretty good job at trying to hide things, but maybe not.

Eventually Liam just broke down. Louis snuggled in closer and took the younger boy in his arms, holding him tightly.

“Liam, I want to be as understanding as possible, because you’re my best friend… but you’re being a complete prick about all of this.”

At this Liam tries to pull away a little, stung by Lou’s words (even if he’s right) but Louis wont release him.

“Nobody cares who you want to … date.”

Liam wonders what Louis would have said if it weren’t such a sensitive subject.

“It’s 2012 for fucks sake. Anyone that would care about you and your sexuality isn’t someone that you need in your life. But you have me. And Niall…. and Harry.”

Liam takes a breath. It sounds so simple coming from Louis. Maybe it could be.

“Harry is so in love with you. Everyone can see it. Since day 1 he’s been trying to get you, that has to count for something.”

Liam looks at Lou, waiting for him to continue.

“Do you remember that first day you met him? At the bar? There has to be a reason why you started talking to him in the first place… a reason why you were drawn to him?”

Liam shakes his head. “I barely remember anything about that night.”

Liam’s voice is shaky and he sneaks a glance at Louis. He knows that Louis doesn’t believe him.

“Come on, Li. I saw you watching him.”

The truth is, Liam does remember that night. He was drunk, sure, but not drunk enough to forget.

 

 

It was a really cold night, and Liam had been sitting at the bar wondering why he’d let Louis drag him out to a gay bar again. He had been to a few before and always felt so uncomfortable. He never knew what to say to turn down the guys that were interested in him. Luckily Louis was there for him and often told everyone that Liam was his boyfriend, but on nights like that when Louis had too much to drink and was more concerned about his libido than Liam, the younger guy found himself alone. At least that night he was drinking, for the first time in a long time. That should have helped things. He wasn’t tipsy just yet, but he knew it was about to hit him.

On the way to the bathroom Liam had bumped shoulders with guy about the same height as him.

“Sorry.” Liam had muttered and he looked ahead to see a guy with dark curly hair and bright green eyes just staring at him.

“More than okay.” Was what the guy had said.

Liam had sworn he saw a wink, but he had kept walking and made his way into the stall.

While in the restroom Liam’s thoughts kept going back to the curly haired guy with the dimples and the smile and the shirt that was probably too tight and all he could think about was how gorgeous he was. Probably the most gorgeous person he’d ever seen. And then Liam realized what an odd thought that was. He’d never exactly referred to a guy as “gorgeous” before, but it was probably the alcohol talking.

The rest of the night he kept seeing Harry everywhere, not that he was looking. The more he drank the more he felt this weird urge to get to know him, even though he would never ever admit that to anyone.

When he saw Harry near his friend he had gone over and put an arm around Louis, sneaking a short glance at Harry, who he found was looking right at them. His focus was pulled back to Louis when he felt a sharp jab to his ribs.

“Checkin out curly?” Louis asked, probably a little too loudly, and Liam shook his head as if to respond ‘No.’

Louis chuckled and pulled Liam closer to him, getting close to his ear.

“I tried to go for it, but I think he’s into someone else.” Louis smirked and turned away, Liam caught Harry’s eye again.

Lou pushed Liam to talk to him and Liam laughed. “You’re ridiculous.” Was all that Liam managed to get out. But somehow Liam found himself maneuvering around the crowd so that he was closer in Harry’s vicinity.

Okay, maybe Liam had been acting strangely, but it wouldn’t hurt to get to know someone would it? As a friend, of course. Liam could always use more friends.

Liam was relieved when Harry had spoken first. “Hi. I’m Harry!” He shouted over the music, smiling wide and Liam couldn’t help but stare at his perfectly aligned teeth.

“Liam!” He had shouted back. He then tried to ask Harry if he was around here, but the music was blasting and it was useless. Without a word Liam had felt a hand on his wrist and he was being pulled into a corner of the room.

It was all a bit of a haze at that point and Liam couldn’t really comprehend what was happening. Why was he doing this exactly?

“It’s quieter over here, we can actually talk.” Harry said again. He was right, it was much quieter. So then why was Harry standing so close?

“I like that name…Liam.” Harry smiled again. Liam couldnt help but shift his focus down to Harry’s lips. For a quick second he’d wondered what it’d be like to kiss him. He shook the thought away.

“I like your curls.”

Liam almost wanted to slap himself once the words were out of his mouth. Fuck! _I like your curls?_ Why would he say that? Harry certainly had nice hair, and Liam had blurted the first thing he thought of but he didn’t want to give Harry the wrong impression.

Liam chuckled to himself, embarrassed after his statement and looked down at the ground. Again he wondered how he got himself into this situation and instantly tried to think of a way to get out of it.

“Louis is probably wondering where I went…” He said quieter, looking back up at Harry, smile dropped from his face.

“Is that your boyfriend?” Harry tweeed his head to the left, in Louis’ direction. “the one with the bright clothes?”

Liam laughed. Louis was right when he said he wore those for attention. He was surely getting it.

“Yeah.” Liam replied.

Harry looked around for a second, then focused back on Liam. “To which question?” he smirked.

“What?” Liam asked. He felt disoriented and confused. He could barely keep up with the conversation, his head was spinning.

“The clothes part, or the boyfriend part?” Harry clarified.

“Oh!” Liam laughed. “The clothes…. he’s not my boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Harry said, smiling again. Liam though that he really should stop doing that.

In the next second Harry’s arm was up against the wall on the side of Liam’s head and he was leaning in, a lot closer than he had been seconds before.

“That’s a very good thing… Liam.” He had whispered into his ear.

Liam stopped himself from asking why… he’d gotten a pretty good idea at what Harry was getting at. Liam knew he’d gotten himself into some trouble there, he wasn’t trying to lead the guy on, but apparently he’d done that, what with how Harry was looking at him. Liam knew he should walk away and go back to Louis. But his feet were stuck in place and he couldn’t help but wonder…

“I have another question for you.” Harry said quietly, and Liam wondered if he heard right. He nodded his head slowly, letting Harry continue.

“Can I kiss you now?”

Liam had wanted to shout “no!” He wanted to run away. But he couldn’t move. He wass frozen in place. His mind was flooded with thoughts of kissing this guy. It stunned Liam because it wass never something that he’d actively thought about doing before. So he was shocked when hed whispered an almost inaudible “okay” and felt Harry’s lips on his. So much for wondering what it’d be like to kiss a guy. Truth be told, it was not that different from kissing a girl. Except this time it was Harry and it was a complete rush and Liam couldn’t pull himself away. He couldn’t believe that he actually did it.

He’d blame the alcohol later.

 

 

Liam pulls himself away from his memory, things suddenly much clearer. Liam looks at his watch and see’s that it’s almost noon. He immediately pulls himself away from Louis and up off from the couch.

“I have to go.” He says and Louis looks at him oddly. “Thank you.” Liam leans forward and pulls Louis into a hug, who’s too shocked to speak.

“Where are you going?” He asks as Liam is just about out the door.

“I’m feeling up for some coffee.” He smirks and runs out, leaving Louis with a stunned look on his face.

 

\--

 

“Please be there, please be there.” Liam repeats over and over to himself as he makes his way down the street and into the familiar shop. He scans the room quickly and spots Harry in the corner, drinking his drink alone and reading.

Liam smiles. Of course Harry would be there. Fate had a weird way of working in Liam’s favor.

Not that it really mattered, if Harry hadn’t been there Liam could have just as easily gone to his house or work to look for him, but there was something ironic about confronting him here, one of the first places they’d ever talked. It would work perfectly for what Liam was prepared to do.

Liam’s nerves are all over the place. Part of him wants to run, like he’s been doing since the beginning, but he knows that he wont this time. He knows this is what he wants; what he needs to do.

Harry spots Liam out of the corner of his eye and closes his book quickly, standing. Liam knows that he’s about to leave, but Liam wont let him. He grabs Harry by the arm and holds him place.

“Harry, don’t leave. I have to say something.”

Harry sighs in exasperation. “Let me guess… you’re sorry?” He says sarcastically.

“Yes.” Liam begins. He can see Harry roll his eyes. He can’t blame him for being skeptical.

“I’ve been acting like a complete idiot. For a really long time.” Harry’s still now, no longer trying to remove himself from Liam’s grip.

“The truth is Harry, that I remember everything from that first night that we met.” Liam pauses and Harry looks at him more carefully. Liam can tell that he’s wondering where this is going.

“I lied when I said I didn’t remember anything. It was… a little hazy,” Liam laughs, “but I could never forget it. I told you I didn’t remember because I needed that excuse. I was scared of what I was thinking and I wanted to blame it on the alcohol because it was just easier that way. Easier than admitting what I’m feeling.”

Liam knows he’s rambling now, but Harry’s finally looking at him like he doesn’t want to strangle him and Liam knows it’s his only chance.

“I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t like my life without you in it. “ Liam moves his hand slowly down Harry’s arm so that it’s now holding his hand. Harry looks around, and Liam can tell that he’s watching to see if other people are staring. Liam doesn’t look away from Harry’s face. “I’m in love with you, Harry, and I don’t care who knows.”

Liam knows this is so completely cheesy, but he wants to make sure that Harry knows loud and clear what he’s saying. He needs to Harry to know that he’s all in.

Liam takes a step forward and leans in to kiss Harry but he’s stopped when he feels Harry’s other hand lightly on his chest.

“Right here?” He asks in disbelief.

“Right here.” Liam whispers and pulls Harry toward him, crashing his lips on his own. Liam isn’t sure how long they kiss, but it feels like a long time before Harry’s pulling away from him and once again looking around. “Everyone’s watching.” He laughs, still in disbelief. Liam cant quite believe it himself, but he’s happy. He kissed a guy in public and the world didn’t end. 

“Let them stare.” Liam whispers again, grabbing Harry’s hand and pulling the curly haired boy closer, wrapping his arms around him, “Love is love, right?”

 

 


End file.
